At Night | Teen Ink

At Night

July 11, 2014
By ___averylynn_____ SILVER, Waterford, Michigan
___averylynn_____ SILVER, Waterford, Michigan
7 articles 0 photos 33 comments

Favorite Quote:
Look closely at the present you are constructing. It should look like the future you are dreaming. - Alice Walker.<br /> What you wear is your billboard. So, what are you advertising?


Sometimes I lie awake at night, wondering if anyone is thinking about me. I just want to be special. Important. There is always a few minutes when I think about people from my past and wonder how they’re doing, and how often they think about me. I wonder if they’re happier without me. Which hurts. I hate having to go to bed, because my mind likes to think about things I don’t want to. I push things away during the day to have them come out at night. I can only stare at the ceiling and hope that I’ll fall asleep soon. Which never happens because I am either too hot or too cold. I either curl into a ball or lay on top of my covers. Sometimes I put one leg under and one leg on top of my covers just to get the best of both worlds. My bed is on a wall, which is heftily inconvenient, because I sleep better when I face the wall, but I can’t because I’m too scared something will happen behind me. I can never get out of bed if I have to go to the bathroom, because I’m too scared someone is going to grab me. Which has actually never happened. Its kind of like sprinting up the stairs, and feeling a sigh of relief at the top because the monsters can no longer get you. At night, I like to put my hands under my pillow. It’s just cold under there, and I can manipulate my pillow into the perfect sleeping position. Although I can’t put my hands all the way under, because when I was younger, I swear I felt claws one night. After that, I gave up my comfort to my fears. When I was younger, I always had my parents turn on the light outside of my window, turn on my fish tank light, and my fan. Then check in my closet and under my bed, just in case. It used to be easier to sleep when I was younger, because I always felt safe when my parents tucked me in. These days, I shut my blinds, lock my window, and when I have to turn off my primary light, I turn on my lamp so I don’t ever have to be in the dark. When I turn off my lamp, its dark for a few seconds, then I feel the comfort of my night-light. Sometimes I have to sleep with the lights on, my paranoia gets in the way. My fan is always on, and I can’t sleep without it. Most nights, I just talk to myself about everything I wish I could say. Then after I have a swear-fest, I have to pray to God that he forgives me. Then I confess to him anything that happened, and I just hope for a better tomorrow. Then I turn to my Guatemalan worry doll and tell them all of my worries, hoping that by the morning they will go away. I got the doll from one of my best friends. Which was really sweet. Then when I’m done with those rituals I count until I fall asleep. I can usually only remember counting to 100 the next morning, but I guess I never know how high I can count. Of course then I have dreams about the first thing that I thought about, which is always unfortunately people from my past who’ve hurt me. When I wake up, the dream comes rushing to my head, and I swear I can smell her old perfume. Then I realize it was a dream, and it makes me really sad. Because I wish I was still there, even though I’m much happier now.


The author's comments:
I just wanted to write something real and relevant to who I am.

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This article has 3 comments.


on Aug. 5 2014 at 10:36 am
LavanderMayday SILVER, Oroville, California
7 articles 0 photos 72 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Writers aren&#039;t exactly one person, they&#039;re a whole bunch of people trying to be one person&quot;

Wow. Unbelievable. I thought I was the only one who had these problems. The lights being on, not facing the wall, hating going to bed because of my thoughts. I understand all of that. Going to bed is torturous sometimes. A time where every thing that keeps you safe falls asleep and your left alone. All alone. And my thoughts torture me for hours endlessly. I've written some of almost your exact words or spoken them. Bit mostly thought of them because I figured nobody would understand. But--wow...stunningly amazing poem.

on Jul. 16 2014 at 10:21 pm
___averylynn_____ SILVER, Waterford, Michigan
7 articles 0 photos 33 comments

Favorite Quote:
Look closely at the present you are constructing. It should look like the future you are dreaming. - Alice Walker.<br /> What you wear is your billboard. So, what are you advertising?

@TheComet, yeah I wanted to write something totally wierd and dorky.  Glad I'm not alone.  Thanks for the comment, I totally appreciate it. 

on Jul. 16 2014 at 2:18 pm
TheComet PLATINUM, Mostaganem, Other
22 articles 1 photo 439 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret&quot; -Ambrose Bierce<br /> &quot; Be yourself! Everybody else is already taken ;)&quot;<br /> &quot;Don&#039;t go where the path leads you. Go instead where there&#039;s no path and leave a trail ;)&quot;-R.W.Emerson

The first thing i noticed is that we have a lot in commun! I also find it so hard to sleep at night just thinking about the past, thinking about what I could've done better to change things and thinking about the people I used to know wondering if I ever cross their minds cuz for me it happens all the time. Also the pert where you that you keep one leg under and the other upon the covers well I do that every night :P LOL So I'm kind of happy to know that I'm not alone cuz I can surely relate to this ^_^ Other than that I think you have the talent of telling stories ! You let the reader dive in your world Great job I Loved it ;) Keep writing