The yelling and screaming never ended no matter what time of day it was. Those nights where the next day I would come to school exhausted were the worst. They were the nights where she would stay up all night cleaning angrily, not caring who’s room it was she would just come in and start her cleaning. Tipping things over then yelling because they had fell. Those were the most terrifying. It was like something unhuman had taken over her mind and body. No matter what anyone did she wouldn’t stop, no one could get in her way and when we did it just made things worse. We learned very quickly just to let her be. Me in my room just praying she wouldn’t come in. And he never did anything. He couldn’t get involved. But by not getting involved I don’t think he realized he was losing his youngest daughter. Not just that I would always retreat to my room but the fact that I wouldn’t even try to talk to him anymore because she would yell and he wouldn’t say anything. Just let her yell. That’s how he lost me.

I am lying on my twin mattress with my tempurpedic pillow. Over me is my striped sheets and fluffy light green comforter, with my dog Muggsey at my feet. I feel his docked tail poking me and look up enough to see his brown and white head and his one black spot on his ear. He looks back as he feels me lift my head up, the grey showing on his snout.

Laying back down I look around seeing my pull open brown closet doors in front of me with their golden handles. The American flag that hangs on the right door blowing ever so slightly from the open window on the left of the doors letting me see the pine trees in the back yard. My phone blinks to my left, lying on my white chest but I just watch the light fade. Looking at the green wall behind my phone I realize how truly bright the green is. But my other three walls help dim the color down with the bottom halves of the walls being a dark purple, a purple deep enough if you looked into it you may be able to see it in someone else's soul. The top halves being seaweed green but a few shades lighter. Turning over I see my dresser with the white doyly on it my step monster forced me to leave on. My stereo sits on top of the doyly with an alarm clock and a few books. Along the next wall is a built in book shelf.

Knick knacks and trinkets in all the spots with some books at the very top, what catches my eye though is my favorite snow globe it’s a light purple base with a wire looping around the top before the snow globe itself inside is an ice skater, her hair up in a tight brown bun, more of an auburn bun but nevertheless it makes her look so professional. Her hands up like she’s landing from a perfect jump spin, her purple leotard around her looking like it caught the air coming down. Coming back out of the snow globe and into reality I see my black book shelf holding hundreds in not a thousand or more books. Books that take me out of this world. Out of this reality that I try to face daily. Books. That’s all I need. Books about anything it doesn’t matter. They all take me somewhere better that this h*ll. My own personal h*ll.

As I stand up to walk to the door in-between the two book shelves Muggsey stands on my bed, stretches, grunting and I hear things popping within the old dog he is. Stepping across my colorful square rug I turn the gold handle leaving my safe spot, venturing out into the unknown of what may happen next. Muggsey tottering out in front of me but staying close to me. Always by my side. Never was there a day that you couldn’t see his hair on me. Always knowing he’d be there when I got home. His collar jingled as he trotted along.
  Across the hall from my door I see my step sister room. Her door shut like always. On my side of the hallway are all the pictures of my dad’s and my side of the family and to my right it’s her side of the family. On my step sisters side of the hallway is the bathroom we “share”, mainly it would be me struggling to find time to take a shower and brush my teeth without her being in there. Next to the bathroom was the linen closet that smelt an overpowering scent of old medication that just wouldn’t leave from the previous sick old lady.

On my side of the hallway was the office with the art supplies closet and computer inside. Walking out and into the living room I plop into the blue velvet chair next to our pure wooden round table with a lamp on it. The lamp has people that look like they are dancing on it. looking across the room over the rectangle table in the middle of the floor, and over the chest under the window ignoring the obnoxious flower wallpaper and imagine what it would be like to run out the door and never look back but in the middle of these thoughts with Muggsey at my feet I hear her footsteps coming up.

After so many years I’ve learned to listen for who’s footsteps they are. My dads are heavy and solid. My step sister’s light and quick because she is always running, and my step monsters. They just sound like slow scary music. The kind where you know something bad is coming. Something coming that you know you have to brace for, where people open doors even though they have a bad feeling about it. except with her. She just comes weather you like it or not. Here she comes. I hear her through the kitchen and brace for whatever bull s*** she is going to ground me for now. I inhale slowly and know it won’t last forever. Closing my eyes when she enters the room I count to ten to keep me from punching what real teeth she has left out of her skull. Open my eyes, and wait for the fireworks to fly.

I didn’t have to wait long. They flew, just like they always did. The yelling and screaming on how I wasn’t good enough. How I was a spoiled brat. How I did nothing. How I was, nothing. Then I heard it, his footsteps. Heavy walking up the stairs and through the kitchen. Into the fire zone. He just stood there, watching. Doing nothing.