I won’t say I’m okay, because I’m not.  But, what’s done is done. I could write about all the awful things you've done to me throughout our relationship, or I could write about all the wonderful things you did for me, and everything that you've taught me. I will miss you every day.

You taught me how to love someone, even if I can’t love myself. I learned from you that I don’t need makeup to look okay, or to leave the house. I also learned that I don’t need to look good for anyone else. I've learned that it’s okay to ask for help. You taught me how to turn my words into actions: Whether it was rubbing your back, making you your favorite cookies, kissing your forehead, surprising you with a shake, cuddling, or just kissing you. You taught me that holding hands is the simplest, yet the most meaningful action. I didn't have to be kissing you, hugging you, or looking at you to be with you. I could just simply hold hands with you, and that was how we were intertwined; nothing more. 

I learned from you that lying isn't worth it. I've learned how crazy one person can make me. You've taught me that people do have it worse than me, but it is okay for me to be sad. You taught me that people can’t change, no matter what they say, or how many chances you give them.  For the most part, you taught me that actions speak louder than words. But when I’m crying and screaming with tears staining my favorite grey sweatshirt at 6:39 p.m. on my way over to your house to get my things, your actions didn’t mean a thing to me anymore. There are plenty of ways for someone to show me that they love me, but leaving and lying isn’t one of them.

I learned that no matter how close I get to someone, no matter how much time I spend with someone, I can never depend on them for my happiness. I’ve learned that cheating is the worst thing that I can go through, and that cheating isn’t always necessarily physical: hiding messages, lying about it, or doing things behind someone’s back is already cheating and doing something wrong. I’ve learned that memories hurt like hell, especially when you’re gone. Maybe I can escape you, but I can’t escape the months I spent on you, the rooms you’ve been in, the places I took you, and the memories that haunt me…

You’ve also taught me that everyone is worth the truth, no matter how much it hurts, because the lies hurt a hell of a lot more. You taught me that my naked body should only be seen by the ones that accept my naked soul as well. That person shouldn’t cut me down, make me feel badly about myself, go behind my back, or lie straight to my face. You've taught me that every lie will find a way out. Within the two months that we spent every day together, I learned a lot of lessons. Lessons that I wish I would have learned before I had to go through them, but that’s how you learn, right?

You've taught me that sometimes, someone won’t love me as much as I love them. I've learned that in a relationship, both people need to be on the same page.  You've taught me that I can’t hold on to someone as long as I want to, because that’ll f*** with my head even more. I've learned that someone can be a completely different person than who I thought they were. You’ve taught me you can’t get time back. You’ve taught me to read the signs. You’ve taught me not to have any regrets, because I learn from everything that happens.

I’ve learned that someone can and will stop loving me. Even if I give them the world and every part of me, they can still f*** me over, and not feel a thing. I’ve learned how selfish a person can be. I’ve also learned how valuable a picture can be, because I won’t be seeing you every day anymore. I’ve learned that it’s okay to break, and to crumble from the pain. You’ve taught me that I need to be 100% sure of my own feelings, before messing around with anyone else’s. That’s the only fair thing to do.

I’ve learned to listen to others. I’ve learned that even though you may never be able to come into my life again, you will always be a part of it. I’ve learned that you can’t be so damn selfish when it comes to other human beings feelings. But, I’ve also learned that when someone messes up, I have to put myself before them. I can’t just let people walk all over me; I need to stick up for myself, no matter how badly I don’t want to. I can’t keep going back to people who I was always there for, and just ended up hurting me and making me feel bad about myself.

I’ve learned that my first heartbreak will probably be the worst. You’ve taught me that sometimes my best isn’t good enough. I’ve learned that the skeletons inside of me have thicker skin than me. You made me whole again, but then you tore me up shortly after. What am I supposed to do now? You taught me what I deserve. I learned that even if I want something and someone so badly, I need to have standards. I need to want what’s best for me, and that is what I’m still trying to grasp the idea of.

He will always have a part of me. Yes, I will always miss him and love him, but that’s just how love works. Its crazy how something can be so beautiful, yet so harsh. I have yet to understand how love works. But, I do know what kind of love I deserve. That’s not s***ty love, which is all I seem to have given myself to. I’m done putting myself to those limits. I love myself enough to walk away from those people and those kinds of relationships. I just need to focus on myself and being me, and the right one will be drawn to me for all the right reasons. That alone makes me keep going.

Before I met him, I would dance in the shower. When he was in my life, I would think about showering with him. After he left, I would sit on the ground in the shower and cry. When I got over him, I showered so quickly that there was so time for dancing, fantasies, memories, or tears. Someone can invade the smallest part of your life, and you won’t even realize it until you dance in the shower again and wonder why you ever stopped.