As a younger kid that was just getting into bodysurfing and ocean activities, I cared little about the ocean itself. My mom would always warn me as I was leaving the house "don't go into the water if it's too big" and "be very careful out there". Right, mom. I just wanted to have fun! In the water my friends and I could be seen basically mimicking the 'caution' signs you see posted along the beach as we surfed: deliberately jumping off of our boards mid-wave, paddling backwards and tumbling down the face of the wave, or grabbing each others legs during take-off to ensure a wipeout. It was all fun and games for us, it seemed. The ocean was just a place to mess around in, and my friends and I believed we were the conquerors of every break we went to. We were invincible (in our minds).

Spotting the massive wave on the horizon instantly made my stomach turn. The towering, predatory mass was racing toward the beach, steadily increasing in size and pace. I had never seen a wave that big before, and looking twenty yards back to the shore I decided that if I was going to avoid getting destroyed I would have to try to swim towards the behemoth, and attempt to sneak under it. With a single fin on I started pulling as much water as my small twelve year old body could, which wasn’t much. It was a race between the wave and I. The wave was rapidly closing the gap though, and the realization hit me that I was not swimming fast enough to make it under the wave in time. I had made it to deep water, but not past the wave. Looking to the left I watched the frantic strokes and terrified faces of my friends, solidifying the feeling of terror in my gut. We were going to be obliterated.

The wave broke ten feet in front of me and the sound erupted through the water like a stadium full of fans, striking fear into me one more time before I took my final deep breath. I dove as deep as I could, and for peaceful moment was suspended in the serenity of the water. I dared not to open my eyes but began to hope, even naively believe for a second, that I might have made it under the wave - my thoughts being interrupted by a wrecking ball of water smashing into my body, effortlessly thrashing me around underwater like a rag-doll. The wave kept throwing me in every direction, and as time passed under the water I completely lost my sense of direction and time. With almost no air left in my lungs my chest became a punching bag for the carbon dioxide in my body, and I wanted to gasp. "I’ve been under for a long time, and I might die with this wave" I realized. I was an atheist, but in the moment started praying to a god I suddenly believed was my ticket out of the situation.

While praying did not actually make god intervene in any way or save me from that wave, it allowed my mind time to calm down and pull itself out of the panicked state it was in. I recollected my thoughts and examined my situation. I figured I had about a good 15 seconds of air left in me, and that the next thing I needed to do was figure out which direction was up. Scanning left and right my sight was met by an ominous wall of black, and looking down provided the same chilly view of perpetual nothingness. Then, glancing up, I saw light above me! Mustering up every last muscle in my body I feverishly started pulling and kicking back up to the surface. The turbulence of the wave started subsiding and relief flooded over my body- I was going to make it! I approached closer and closer, and then like an acrobatic dolphin I burst through the surface! I took many deep breaths, filling my battered lungs with sweet oxygen.

My friends and I eventually washed up on the shore, exhausted but relieved. Where we would usually be shouting and making noise, we were now all silent, thinking about how lucky we were to have survived that hold-down. None of us left that beach with the same view of the ocean that we had before. I didn’t stop jumping off my board or taking off going backwards, but I always made sure to determine the waves size and power before going out to make sure I could handle it. I realized that I had a misguided and wrong mindset about the ocean - I cannot think that I’m stronger or better than it in any way, I can only respect it and enjoy what it gives. Because even though we can ride big waves and get into huge barrels, we are still just the riders of the wave. The wave:  nature, is always in total control.