The backpack of bricks upon my shoulder started getting heavier and heavier. At a time when I should have been able to release every ounce of guilt in my body, more just filled up inside of me. Feeling stressed and amiss about every nutrient I would place inside of me, life became frustrating. Constantly trying not to worry the others around me and trying not to wonder if my health could possibly become a concern. I never wanted to feel this way about myself but it came unexpectedly natural. Never brought up or taught to feel this way, always taught to love myself. At this point and time in my life, I questioned why food became terrifying. I evoked in a battle with the food around me and it became harder and harder to win. After months of excessive struggling, I found ways to praise the body I have and love the supplements I put inside me.
     

It became almost indescribable. I couldn’t explain to others why I felt this way without making it sound like I had an eating disorder. The ingredients within each food item would concern me with each bite I took. I wanted to feed and nourish my body but couldn’t seem to find something that I could eat that would supply all of the needs I required. I knew depriving myself of nutrition could never be an answer but things kept getting worse day by day.  I started not to eat as much as I should in a day and I couldn’t control it. I felt as if sometimes I would have to tell myself to eat something or drink some water because I knew what could happen to me if I continued living like this. I held the secret inside of me for the majority of this chapter in my life but I knew that if it got worse I would have to tell somebody. The day came where I almost reached that point and began to fear the possibility of having an eating disorder.
    

The peak of it all is when my body didn’t change, even though I started eating differently. I didn’t understand why nothing had happened and began to become irritated with my body. The scale would remain the same week after week and I kept lowering my food levels. Deep down inside, I hated treating my body like this. The startling truth suddenly hit me when I realized I had to do something about the non-eating, but I knew it had to be done. After that day, everything changed for me. I saw the way I treated myself and wanted to improve my health. I couldn’t just move forward from that day and forget everything, I knew it would take some time. My health still continued to be a concern to me and I still wanted to try to eat healthier but I found ways to improve it without straining my body. After I began advancing myself to a healthier state, I noticed my body responded in a positive way and I felt better inside and out.
    

Since that day, the improvement that I have seen in my body seems astonishing.  If I had only realized the change my body went through when I wasn't eating, then I would have made the change sooner. I started exercising more and eating healthier so I could be proud of the body I have instead of trying to satisfy myself with not eating. The support I have received has also made an impact on how I feel about myself and how I proceed with changing my eating habits. After those life changing days, I have become stronger and learned that there is always a way out from fear.
    

Where I am now is the happiest I’ve ever been. I haven’t told anyone besides a few people in my life that I felt this way, but I feel like I should reserve it somewhere inside of me and look back on it whenever I feel like I can’t overcome something. Even though I never had a physical or internal eating disorder, I still had to hurdle over the obstacles that came with feeling this way about myself. My body has transformed since then, but in a realistic and lively way. I am exceptionally proud of myself for turning my health around before it became a disaster. Everything I have learned from this journey has taught me that any adversity a person can experience, can result in a positive outcome.