February 2nd, 2014, I lost my oldest brother Anthony. My mind was running a thousand miles per hour, while my heart stood still. Words cannot describe the love I have for him. The moment I found out about my brother, Anthony, it all hit me like a semi-truck running over a deer. Reality was a step closer to me, and that was the moment I learned the way life really works. On September 27, 2014, seven months after my brother passed away, my mother also died of uterine cancer.That time in my life was full of grief and loss. Losing my brother and my mother changed my life forever. My brother’s death shook me up, but my mother’s passing away really woke me up to reality.

The people around you have a bigger impact on you than you think, and most people don’t recognize how much the influences around them affect themselves. There’s an old saying that says, “You never really know what you have, until it’s gone.” The meaning of that phrase has such a profound lesson to be learned. You don’t know the value of a person, until they’re no longer around to affect your life like they used to. We often take for granted the loved ones that surround us on a day-to-day basis, and never really understand the impact they make in our lives, until they are gone - leaving us with loss and grief.

One thing you can always count on, is having unexpected events happen in your life like a flat tire, death of a loved one, losing your homework, or even breaking a bone. My brother’s death happened so suddenly that for the first year, I couldn’t comprehend the emotions and feeling that I was feeling. Guilt, sorrow, grief, and catastrophe all filled my heavy hearts’ emotions. My brother grew up playing football, a sport which he loved and adored, and pursued a dream to play college football. That one dream had the biggest influence on me, and molded me to one day, be like him, and create my own path to also play high school, and college football someday. As his younger brother, I often studied the small habits he had and watched him as he lived his life. He never ceased to amaze me of the big brother he was. He was honest, true, and loving. He loved unconditionally. No matter who you were, what you’ve done or how your past was, he always respected you and loved you to the best he could. Everyday I remember the kind of man my brother was, and I always try to be the kind of person he was and follow his example.

My mother made me who I am, and shaped me into the young man I am today. She taught me every righteous principle I know. She raised me from nothing and taught me everything she knows. She adopted me from birth, from my dad’s sister, and loved me like her own. The influence of a mother in her children’s lives gives them guidance. It keeps children aligned with where they need to be. My own mother’s love sheltered me from life’s cruelty, and kept me strong when I was weak. She wasn’t nice and kind all the time, but she had to be rough. The times that she was hard and rough on me, kept me strong in focus and reminded me of who I am. They say that a father’s job is to provide for a family. There’s a reason for that. Because there’s only some things a mother can do for her kids, that no other position, teacher, mentor, or other adult can do. The mother is meant to be home to love, shelter, praise, scold, mold and raise their children to the best they can be. My mother was an amazing woman, and no one can replace or exemplify the love she’s showed to me. I am grateful for her teachings and her desire to serve others, and her kids. Her influence is one of the biggest in my life, and still keeps me strong to this day.

My brother Anthony is the oldest child in the household.. He held the responsibility of being the oldest and watching out for his younger siblings and cousins. Regardless of whatever trouble, hardship, or depression he faced, he always made sure he put a smile on his face. He let everyone know that regardless of whatever circumstance, that he will always try to be the happiest he can be. When things got rough in the family, he was the only one who tried keeping us together. He always tried to fix the situation, and never stopped trying. He was relentless. He loved us so much that he always put us first in everything he did. His philosophy of a family was, that a family sticks together no matter what, even when it gets hard. Unconditionally, he kept us together and strived to love us the best he could.

Mom always had a good laugh. She was one of the most positive people you could ever meet. My mom, as they say,  ‘walked the talk’. There were times that she had to be stern with us kids. One memory I recall, is when she got very unpleasant and upset. It wasn’t pretty, one bit, and was one of the scariest situations in my life. But because of that situation, it’s been one of the most ultimate good experiences I’ve ever had in my life. Things like that, she did, molded me to be the young man I am today. There were times that she had to be harsh, stern, and mean but it was for the best. She thought that I was worth every moment spending for. As I look back now, I am so grateful for her love and teachings. Even in the harsh times.

As the years go by, life moves on. I never forget where I’ve come from and the experiences I’ve been through, throughout my life. The influences my brother and my mother have instilled in my life, will forever be imprinted upon my legacy. As my children, and my children’s children live on, I will make them know who I am because of those two wonderful people. Most people think that it’s ‘sad’ when someone dies, and that they eventually become forgotten. I am here to state this: that is not true. I know that your loved ones, who pass on, can and will live on through you. The way I live my life is a reflection on what they’ve taught me. It’s ultimately up to me whether I choose to follow their examples, but their love will forever stain my heart to keep me going forward. Their burning fire still lights my soul, and keeps me going. Loss and grief is all but for a small moment, awaiting for you to turn the next page in your life. Everyday is a new day, and every moment is yet a new beginning. Live in the present, and look forward to every new moment you begin. My brother and my mother are permanently printed upon the deep pages in my heart. The influences they’ve showed me will forever live on in my life, and keep me going.