Both days were tragic for me neither one was more sad than the other. When my grandpa Woody passed I felt physically sick, I had never dealt with any pain like this before. I didn’t wanna do anything other than lay in bed and feel sorry for myself. I felt cold and depressed,  nothing ever seemed to be bright to me whenever I saw something that had color I would imagine it all washing away leaving behind a dull and colorless object. I had finally gotten used to the way life had been but then my grandpa Fikes life was taken by cancer I had fallen into another pit of despair that I thought I would never escape. Life went back to being dull for me nothing made me really happy at the time.

There are times where I just want to be able to hug both of them and have them tell me that everything is gonna be ok but considering the circumstances that won’t happen. So I guess I’ll start with my grandpa Woody first, He was like a second father to me we would do all kinds of things together like fishing, watching tv shows, playing checkers and just all sorts of fun activities. I’ll never forget the day he passed through that day will live on forever in my memories. It was early in the morning and like most 13 year olds I was getting ready for school I was waiting in my living room for my mom to get ready so she could take me to school and my dad came rushing out of his room in a panic. When my mom asked him what was wrong all he said was “It’s my dad something's wrong with him”. Well after my parents had left me and my two sisters at my house for what felt like 2 hours my mom came in the house with red eyes and a soaked face she sat all of us down and said “Your grandpa woody has passed away”. After being told this I almost immediately shut down and started to fight back tears I didn’t lose it until my mom said “It’s okay to cry honey” that's when everything fell apart on the inside and I lost it.

At my grandpa’s funeral I had a hard time keeping it together I was barely able to function because all I could do was cry. I wasn’t strong enough to be there for my sister’s like i'm supposed to be. I felt extremely weak that day to the point of where I didn’t know if I was gonna be able to function properly. That day was just slowly chipping away at my sanity and ability to be happy. It was one of the worst days of my life I just wanted it to be over I wish it never would have happened but It simply isn’t that easy. Sometimes you just gotta put on a show for everyone and then break and fall apart when nobody's watching. I can remember my thoughts swarming like bees that day there were so many thing’s that I wanted to say to everyone but I couldn’t speak it was almost like someone had stitched my mouth closed.

Now moving on to a different tragic day in my life my grandpa Fikes death was tragic and it hit me like a wrecking ball. My whole body felt numb all I could think was here we go again another reason for me to slip further into insanity. Everyone was upset and a mess and all I could do was watch and listen to them grief I felt weak again I felt like one gust of wind could blow past and I would just get carried away in it. On the day of his funeral when my whole family had to go out to fort custer where he would be buried. Considering that he had been in the army he had a twenty one gun salute with every shot fired there was a tidal wave of emotions that rushed over my whole body.