When I was a kid in middle school, I vaguely understood some things and acutely understood others. I vaguely understood that high school was big and hard and actually mattered for my future. I acutely understood that I would rather be in high school than in middle school. I vaguely understood things that were boring, such as going to school and homework. I acutely understood things that were fun, such as video games, basketball, and hanging out with my friends. I vaguely understood why I did band in middle school. I acutely understood that waking up at 6AM sucked. I vaguely understood why my dad had to go to Saudi Arabia for work. I acutely understood that I missed him.

When I was a kid in middle school, I vaguely understood that this was the LeBron James era of basketball. I acutely understood that the Warriors had won two championships in the past three years, and the Cavs only one. And while I vaguely understood that, in today's society, the rich are too rich, I acutely understood that I wanted to retire at 30 and play video games all day. I vaguely understood that girls were now a part of my life. I acutely understood that throwing wet sponges at them was dumb. I vaguely understood that girls get jealous of other girls. I acutely understood that they got mad at me as well, but I had no clue as to why.

One day, when I was a kid in middle school, I was fooling around in art class. Our usual teacher was the worst teacher I’d ever had. She always yelled at the one black kid in our class and gave unclear instructions. But that day we had a substitute, so everyone was playing around and not actually doing anything. One boy was playing Clash Royale in the corner, slamming the desk whenever he lost, which sounded like it happened quite often. A girl was scrolling through her Instagram feed, liking food pictures and commenting whatever girls comment on each other’s Instagram posts. Another girl was looking at herself in a mirror, and complaining to her friends about how ugly she was. I was talking with my friends at one table. Middle school boys being middle school boys, I was dared to throw a wet sponge at one of the girls across the room. Now, obviously, I would have been reluctant, but considering the girl I had in mind threw a wet towel at me a couple minutes before, I was all for it. It also had an excuse to move, as the guy sitting at the table next to us was wearing way too much Axe Body Spray. I was good friends with that girl, but she could be very emotional and dramatic. So, I asked my friends to speak at my funeral if something bad happened, and I pretended I was washing my hands as I stood by the sink, soaking a sponge in the water. When she wasn’t looking, I threw it at her as hard as I could. I meant to hit her back, but I guess I had bad aim because it hit quite a bit lower than that. I froze, expecting an earful as soon as she realized it was me. My boys of course burst out laughing from across the room, as I silently pleaded with them to shut up. I guess I was fortunate that I was good friends with the girl, as, contrary to my expectations, she just laughed. We were still laughing as we left class. Her friends were mad at me, but I only vaguely understood why. I acutely understood that the next time my friends dared me to do something foolish, I would consider the consequences before acting.

When I was in middle school, I used Youtube to distance myself. After my dad left, life without him was harder, but I adapted. However, every 5-6 months, we would travel somewhere to meet him, or he would just come home for a couple weeks. Every time he came home, I adjusted back to having him home, as if he had never left. So, when he left after one of those visits, it was particularly devastating. When I was in middle school, and I didn’t have anyone to throw a sponge at, I tried to take my mind off of my dad by sitting in bed and watching YouTube on my iPad. I wouldn’t really think of anything. I just scrolled through my feed and clicked. While I watched, my mind was blank. I guess it did help in the end though, as after diving into YouTube I felt a lot better. 

When I was in middle school, I vaguely understood some things some things and acutely understood others. I vaguely understood kids were supposed to love learning. I acutely understood that some teachers made that impossible. I vaguely understood that middle school was supposed to be easy and fun. I acutely understood that middle school was very, very, very awkward. I vaguely understood that I would miss some people when I was gone. I acutely understood that I would be glad to never see some people again. And while I vaguely understood that middle school and my dad being gone were supposed to be timewise a small part of my life, I acutely understood that each day lasted forever.