I never had a doubt in my mind that I’d live without my father, but my thoughts soon adjusted to a different state of mind…for a while. On May 4, 2018, my dad was found in the shower collapsed on the floor saying he can’t breathe. My mom dragged him out of the shower and got him clothed. She asked,  “Should I call 911” my father's response “ No, just bring me to the hospital”, so that's what she did. She would walk for a few steps then come to a halt, then go again and stop.Once she reached the car,  she put him in it and rushed to the hospital like there was no tomorrow.

They reached the hospital and my mom bolted for the emergency room doors to get help for my father. They didn’t believe her and took their sweet old time lollygagging around. Since they wouldn’t hurry she grabbed a wheelchair and went to assist my dad. She wheeled him into the hospital and all of suddenly my father was unconscious and seizing. He would come in and out of consciousness for a repetitive amount of times. Eventually, he stayed awake long enough to tell my mom that he was slipping away and didn’t feel like his body was his own anymore. After that, he went out like a light and woke up coughing up two liters of blood. He found out he had an upper GI bleed. The doctor knew my mom and had been working with her here in Cannon, but he was really frightened because he had to call the helicopter to hall my dad away to St. Mary’s Hospital. As my mom reached the parking lot to meet my dad at the hospital she broke down and bawled her eyes out.

Eventually, she was driving away from Red Wing hospital. The helicopter following her left with an eerie feeling in the back of her mind until it drifted off. She got to the hospital an called my grandma and told her,”I need you to bring the girls to school and don’t tell them anything except that their dad is in Red Wing.” I woke up about 6:30 and I’m getting ready to go to school when I walk out and hear, “Emilee,is that you?” It was my grandma. I was confused so I asked,  “Where is my dad, he's supposed to bring us to school?” That's when I found out my dad was in the hospital. I had a horrible feeling the rest of the day that sat in my stomach, I broke out crying during math because I couldn’t take it anymore. All at the same time the doctor came in and told my father. “You probably would not be sitting here right now if you weren’t at the hospital when you were.We have to wait until 4:30 until the bleeding ulcer can be cauterized.” I knew nothing until I texted my mom in math and asked her if I could go hang out with friends the next day after I worked the Cannon Falls Duathlon. I soon found out what was actually going on and how misunderstanding my mom was.

The text came back and I realized  right then and there,after track practice I was drained, emotionally and physically. My dad was in the hospital and his conditions were stable.My mom came home for the night so she could bring me to my destination of work for the next day. She came into my room and said, “ Do you realize how selfish you are for not wanting to come see your dad tomorrow and what horrible condition he is in? He could have died.” That’s when my thoughts changed and I realized my whole life I’ve done what I wanted, when I wanted, and even when my father was pretty much on his way to death row. I was still doing what I wanted, when I wanted to do them. This changed my thoughts on how I live today. I sometimes think that people can still go do things, but they have to remember their family is their family and they aren’t always going to be around. Yet, being myself I still went and did what I wanted that day.

I went to a family friend’s house and helped out their daughter with wedding decorations, had a jam session with my friends and stayed overnight.While I was caught up in the mists of that,I never once had a moment go by where I was worried about my dad. The sad thing though, I was worried about him and I had all these thoughts go through my head. I kept thinking if he did die who would judge my first boyfriend? Who would congratulate me that I graduated high school?Whoever would be there for my special day when I got married?Though, never once did I just send a text to see if he was doing any better or to tell him I loved him.That's what bothered my mom the most. That next morning I got up, got dressed and called my mom to come and get me so I could go see my stable father in the hospital.

As I was on the way to the hospital,my mom wouldn’t talk to me, not even a single peep.I could tell she was upset with my decision. We arrived at the hospital and hung out there for the day. I never imagined my dad being so weak, but he was.I couldn’t stand to see him like this. I had finally had enough and decided to go for a walk and think about what impactful event had just hit me.Thinking about my decision I had made the night before so consumed the entire walk. It's now about 5:30 Sunday night and I got home to find out my dad is able to come home the next day.On Monday in math class I received a message from dad saying,“ Your mother just escaped me from that jail, thank the lord.” I felt so relieved that he was strong enough to come home and was still living.

When he came home I was so moved by what had just happened in my life. I could’ve lost my father. I never had thought I would actually be so close to losing someone I had loved.Now that my thoughts are unadjusted you now know how my father changed my thoughts on how we are not always granted tomorrow. Sometimes we never really know how selfish we are,until we almost lose or have lost someone that was super important or a big role model in their lives.