Dean, don't you dare be sorry I know why you did what you did. I also know that it wasn't your fault. I know that you think that it is and you need to fix it by staying away. But you don't need to fix anything ever. That's what brothers are for. I love you too, Dean. I did everything that you asked except I didn't tell Cas anything. I didn't tell why you left, where you went, why you didn't want him to come. I didn't tell him that you were trying to get out, I didn't tell him that you love him. I haven't told him that you love him because he knows if there's one thing in this world he understands about humans, it's love. I didn't tell him that you "went to see Lisa and Ben" because that would've broken his heart and he doesn't need that. I didn't tell him that you left and I didn't tell him that I don't know where you are and I didn't tell him why he couldn't come. He told me that he loves you and he needs you and wants you.  He told me that even though you're "missing" he won't try to find you because he knows you. He knows that you would never leave unless you had to. He knows that you would take him with if you could and you would be his wings. He told me that he will miss you and he wants you to come back but he knows you can't come back for a while.
I don't want you to be sorry that you needed out and that it can't be different because it is what it is.
Good bye Dean
Sam Winchester

Ok, it’s time. I won't come back until four days after you get this. But I know that you cared enough to leave me alone. I love you too, Sammy. Thank you for letting that disappear I needed that four years with nothing and no one. I'll tell you all I can when I get home. We still have the bunker right? It doesn't matter. All that does is that I get to see you and Cas again.
Dean Winchester

Ok, it’s time. I won't come back until four days after you get this. But I know that you cared enough to leave me alone. I love you too, Sammy. Thank you for letting that disappear I needed that four years with nothing and no one. I'll tell you all I can when I get home. We still have the bunker right? It doesn't matter. All that does is that I get to see you and Cas again.
Dean Winchester

"After you finish your pie you and Cas can go do whatever I have other things to do," I said. I didn't want him to know that in the years that he'd been gone, I'd gotten together with Gabriel the trickster angel that has tried to kill both of us. I don't know what it was, but when I found out that he wasn't dead I just couldn't be without him ever again. So I got Cas to call him for me and it went from there. It was different at first then it wasn't.
"Ok," Dean replied with a hidden smile he knew what I wanted them to do.
"Does he mean he wants us to be on a date?" Cas leaned over and asked my brother. That's why those two are perfect, I swear.
I was standing outside the bunker waiting for Gabe rereading the letter I wrote Dean. I was going to ask Gabe if it was a good idea to give it to him or not. I knew he was going to say yes, but I wanted to ask anyway. Gabe knew everything. He knew about the letter Dean left. He knew about me not telling Cas. He helped me with not finding Dean. That's why I love him. He keeps me in line and from doing stupid things like demon blood again but he also knows what fun is. On one date he took me on we turned invisible and started messing with Crowley. He moved everything around while Crowley was gone and I helped, then he made me fade in and out in front of the demon.
Anyway, Gabe knew what to do when I didn't. He always knew what I should do and he was always right, but he never told you that you had to do it; he just said, “I think you should,” or, “I think you shouldn't,” then said, “but I am not Fate.”

"What do we do now Dean?" Cas asked me. The truth was I didn't know, it had been four years. I didn't remember. All I knew was how to plant, grow, and harvest crops. I forgot all the rest. I was nowhere near any where I had no internet. All I had was a stocked book shelf. I practically was a stay at home mom with no kids. I didn't even have a phone.
The reason I left was because I had to. I couldn't take the temptation of the mark and the first blade, it was all too much for me. So I left; I went far away and I couldn't come back. Not for four years, at least. I hated it at first then I realized I couldn't ever come back until I let go. I had to let go. Everything. I couldn't even hang on to Cas. I would never tell him this but I let go of him too, and I let go of Sam. I couldn't hang on.
I went to the open country of Wales. I went to England.
"I don't know Cas, what do you wanna do?" I replied.
"We could go see a movie." He said hopefully.
"Yeah I'd like that. What movie?"

"Two tickets to see Planes," Dean said.
"I'm going to get the popcorn. Meet you in there?" I said being handed a ticket.
It was a weird movie but we both liked it. It was about a little plane who just wanted to race with the big planes. Along the way the little plane, Dusty, had to go through all these obstacles. I guess in a way Dusty was like Dean. Four years ago when he left except he didn't race.
"Cas," He started, "Can I tell you something?"
"Of course you can Dean."
"I left."
"I know that Dean but I don't care."
"No It's different."
We had walked out to the Impala.
"What's different?"
"I left because I couldn't do it anymore."
"Dean stop, I don't care, I love you and that's what matters right?"
"Yeah but Cas when I needed you, you were there. When you needed me I wasn't."
"Dean."
"Castiel, I love you but when I left I had to leave you behind and Sammy too."
"I know what you had to do Dean that's why I didn't read on over Sam's shoulder."
"You read the letter?"
"No, I read to the part where you wanted only Sam to read."
Dean started the car. "Thank you Cas."
He confuses me sometimes, he wanted to tell  me something really important that he wouldn't tell Sam. Then he didn't, he just stopped and thanked me. I understood what he wanted to tell me was important and that it bothered him but I didn't press him to tell me what it was. I just wanted him.

Gabe and I went bowling. He won. After dinner I pulled him outside so it was just us and asked him what to do with the letter.
"You should give it to him. Don't you think that he'd want it?"
"Well yeah, but."
"But what?"
"But, I don't know what to say."
"Well Sammy, all you gotta do is give it to him. You don't even need words. But that's just me."
"Okay," I still wasn't sure what to do. I thought about asking Cas, then I thought no, Cas would tell Dean. I think I'm gonna give it to him.
--Time Skip In the bunker looking for an easy case.
"Dean" I finally said, looking up from the computer. I didn't have a case I was barely looking.
"What Sam?" He was too focused to look up.
"I have something to give you... for coming back." I said, I was nervous but I hope I didn't sound it.
"What is it?" He looked up and relaxed a bit.
"Well, you don't have to open it if you don't want." I wasn't doing what Gabe suggested. I couldn't just give it to him. It needed explaining.
"Okay." He was a little nervous now.
Handing it to him I said "I don't know if you should read it."

"Sammy I love you but you didn't need to do anything for me." I said. I haven't opened it yet I wasn't even tempted.
"I know but I didn't do this now, I did it after you left."
"What did you do?"
"Nothing, I just wrote you something."
I started to remember when he was younger and he'd tell me things. And he just seemed so small right now. Even though he was a giant moose compared to anyone. It was like he didn't want me to open it, but he did. I just didn't know what to do. So I did the same thing I did when I saw him for the first time in four years and after Cas pulled me out of the pit and he got out of the pit. I just pulled the big lug toward me and I didn't let go for a while. He was in tears, I was in tears and we were brothers again. I had missed him he and Cas were all I had, then, I had nothing. Now, I have them both back and we're family. "Do you really want me to have it?" I asked.
"I want you to have it but I don't know if I want you to read it."
"Then I won't. I'll just look at it. Everyday until you know if you want me to read it or not."
"Okay," we let go of each other and went to bed.
I couldn't sleep so I just let Cas sleep. I didn't know if he was pretending to sleep or if he was sleeping. And I didn't know if he was human. I didn't want to ask because he didn't eat popcorn and he didn't he eat lunch or the hamburgers I made for dinner. I also didn't know why Gabriel was with us at dinner but Cas didn't seem to care. And neither did Sam. I was confused why Sam didn't care because Gabriel tried to kill me a billion times.
I looked at the envelope Sam gave me. It had my name and it was sealed;
he had put a stamp on it like he was going to mail it. But there was no address. It was a reply to the one I wrote.
I didn't know what to do or think. I didn't want to wake Cas up because he was so innocent when he slept. I'd hate to disturb him. But I was so lost and I needed him.
"Cas. Castiel. Are you awake?" I said almost so you couldn't make out what I was saying.
"Hmmm?" He said. He was actually asleep.
"I need your help Cas."
"With what Dean?" he said twisting around so he could see me.
"I want to know what I should do."
"With what?"
We were both sitting now. "Well Sam gave me this today while you were with West, shopping." West was the kid we adopted when he was two months old. He wasn't given a name.
"What is it?" He reached over and turned the lamp on.
"Sam wouldn't tell me but I'm guessing that he wrote a reply to the letter I wrote him."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, did he say anything to you about it?"
"No."
"Oh, well I wanted to know if I should read it or not."
"What did he want you to do?"
"He wasn't sure if he wanted to give it to me."
"Oh, I think that you shouldn't read it then."
"Okay."
"Are you okay, Dean?" He sounded concerned.
"No," I knew I couldn't say yes to him, he'd know I was lying.
"What's wrong?"
"Well I want to know why when Gabriel showed up for dinner today no one noticed but me, I didn't say anything because no one seemed to care." I was a little confused at him.
"Didn't Sam tell you?"
"Tell me what?"
"About him and Gabe?"
"Gabe?" I didn't know what to do. Was Cas telling me that Gabriel- the archangel who made us think he was a trickster then told us he wasn't after killing me a billion times who also DIED- was 'in love' with my baby brother?
"Nevermind," He was already turning the lamp off and pretending to sleep.

I think I told him too much already I don’t know if Sam was ready to tell Dean about him and my brother. I feel really bad I don’t know if I can focus on this hunt right now. I know it should be easy but not if I screwed up. I don’t know if I should’ve woken up. I wasn’t asleep but he was just so silent about it I don’t know if he was ok.
“Cas, Cas. Earth to Castiel!” Dean yelled at me.
“Oh sorry what?” I was lost in thought.
“I don’t know what’s going on between you two but I hope it won’t affect your hunting skills.” Sam said.
“Is that an insult to my hunting skills Sammy?” Dean was getting sassy.
“I think it is Dean you better show me” Sam threw back.
“Whoa guys relax a little eat some chocolate” I had forgotten about Gabe, That just made me feel worse. I was doing a pretty good job of hiding it though even Dean didn't notice. I still couldn’t focus even if I tried.
“What if we give it long pig?” I knew that if I said longpig Dean would give me his attention. I was focused now. And so was he.
“Cas what are you saying?” Sam thought I was crazy.
“I am saying if we got longpig then we could set a trap.”
“Where are you guys gonna get the long pig?” Gabe was so interested now that we’ve said trap and long pig. I was hoping that he would be interested in the trap part at least. This was good now I was focused, I had a plan, and my day was looking better. “Gabe can you whip up a thing for me?” I need him to make it seem like the rugaru was in heaven.
“What do you want me to do?” He was on board.
“I need you to make it rain various types of meat and longpig.”
“Then what Cas?” Dean was impressed.
“Then you, me and Sammy will kill him while he’s eating.”
“Cas that’s great” Sam said with a very impressed voice. I guess they were all just happy to be able to kill this thing and put it in purgatory. I was also really happy again. Not just because I had the plan but I had Dean back and I had a family again.

“Alright Cas, it’s done. I set the bait now all we gotta do is wait for that bastard to come an’ get it.” I was glad for Cas he was happy. And we were hunting just like the good old days. Heaven was in order, my head was in order, Sam was in the right place, Crowley was dead, Metatron gone, no levi’s it was just hunting and saving people the way we started. I was having fun.
“Dean, thank you” Cas started but then he stopped.
“For what Cas?”
“For coming back and loving me again”
“Cas what are you talking about I always loved you.”
“I know but you left and I didn’t know if you were going to come back or not, but you did and you told me that you love me no one tells me that.”
We were in the car waiting Sam was with Gabriel I still wasn’t filled in on him. “But you know that I will never stop loving you right?” I was confused about him now. Sometimes I wish I could just climb into his head to figure things out his way.
“I know but when you left…” he trailed off he hated this topic why did he bring it up?
“While then why did you want to thank me?”
“While I wanted to thank you for everything. I am thanking you for loving me, for being there for me, for leaving to get better, and for coming back.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“What Dean?”
“What’s going on between those two?”
“It’s not my place to say Dean.”
“While I wanna know I won’t tell anyone Cas you know you can trust me.”
“I know.”
“Why don’t you tell me then?”
“Because they don’t know if they want you to know yet.”
“Know what Cas?”
“I told you it’s not my place to say Dean.”
I was done and so was the trap. “Let’s go”
-Time Skip Catching the rugaru
It was coming closer and closer to Dean, it had him trapped against the wall.”Sure you don’t want to talk to this one Sammy?!” Dean yelled at Sam as joke and to get his attention.
“Very funny Dean you know I hated that case.” Sam said back as he came closer and closer to the monster. The rugaru turned on Sam.  Cas was right behind them. He threw the rugaru across the room.
“Gabe!”  Cas threw a weapon at Gabe. Gabe caught it and swung it at the monster, slashing it in half. The case was over.

I could tell Dean wanted to know why Gabe was always with us. I had to tell him. That’s what I wanted to ask Gabe earlier but I couldn’t.
“Can we talk after dinner Gabe?”
“What’s wrong with right now?” he wanted to tell Dean too but he was always so open it was easy for him.
“Well we’re eating Gabe.”
“And? Sammy if there’s anything that is bothering you just tell me now.”
“I can’t just talk with me after dinner.”
“OK” he wanted to tell Dean at dinner but Dean would’ve choked. I choked when they told me what they were doing.
-Time Skip After dinner
“So Sammy it’s after dinner what did you want me to talk to you about?”
“I wanna tell Dean about us.” I said I did want to tell him but I also knew I wanted him to read the letter. “ I also wanna tell him to read it.” I was ready I knew it.
“Well then shall we?” he was ready to tell Dean about us since the day we got together.

“Dean, Dean can we talk?” Sam knocked on my door he was nervous like he was a little kid asking if Santa was real.
“Yea Sam ‘course we can talk what d’ya wanna talk about?”
“While Dean I wanted to talk about a couple things.”
“Go for it.”
“The first thing I’ll just say; Gabe and I are ah together.”
“Ok that’s great Sammy.” I didn’t care what he was saying I was just glad that he had found something that made him happy and hopeful again.
“The second thing was that I knew what I want you to do with the letter I gave you. I want you to read it.”
“Ok do you want me to read it now with you here or later when it’s just me?” I didn’t want to read it. I did want to read that he was sad that I had let go of him.
“When I leave but you don’t have to read it now read it when you want to just as long as no one not even Cas knows what it says ok?”
“I would never tell anyone what you put on that piece of paper.” it was true I would never hurt him like that he was my brother I love him.Just then Cas came back he was with Gabe.
“Hey Dean.” Cas said he was tired.
“Hey Sam!” Gabe was Gabe he was happy go lucky.Cas sat next to me on the bed and took off his shoes. Gabe kissed Sam on the cheek Sam blushed.”I take it you told him?”Gabe didn’t care.
“Yea Gabe I ah I told him. I also told him about the other thing.” Sam said with a little relief.
“Oh good did he read it?”Gabe was so engaged it was weird. I had no idea what was going on.
“I don’t know what’s going on here but I am glad I didn’t have to keep that secret anymore.” Cas was also relieved to have the fact that his brother and my brother were together.
“It’s ok Cas I know how hard it is for you to keep secrets but thanks for keeping this one.” Sam said.
I wanted to go to bed so I said,”Alright I’m gonna hit the hay so I can get my four hours. Is that ok with you Sammy?”
“Yea yea of course I was just gonna go to bed too. Night Dean.”
“Night Sammy.”
-Time Skip next morning six AM only Dean is awake
I woke up early just so I would be alone. I wanted to read that letter but I couldn’t bring myself to it. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to ask Cas either he wouldn’t help. He would just end up confusing the both of us. I loved the guy but I also couldn’t ask him for advice. I was gonna do it anyway.
I walked back into my room. “Cas” I said in a whisper “Castiel?” he wasn’t there. He wasn’t in the room. Where was the little guy?
“Yes Dean?” He was right behind me. I jumped a little I was so used to not having anyone now he was back. I had to adjust. “Dean did I scare you? I’m sorry I didn’t mean to I woke up and you weren’t there I was looking for you I thought you left again.” He was so worried I couldn’t take it I had to ask him what to do about the letter but I couldn’t now he missed me but he didn’t know what to do about it.
I grabbed him by the shoulders, held him and said after a while, “Castiel. I love you and I would never ever leave you again I wouldn’t be able to bare the thought of hurting you like that again.” I was in tears.  So was he.
“Thank you Dean. I love you too which is why I’m telling you this now: I am human again. I turned human after you left I lost what little of the stolen grace I had.” He couldn’t speak he was in so much pain.
“Cas I know. I know and I don’t care we can get through this together. OK?”
“OK.” I pulled him in close and just let him stand there crying in my arms.
“I’m here for you, forever.” and we just stood there for a while.

“I need to talk to you Cas, alone.” Dean said as he approached me.
“OK.” I said I didn’t know what this was about but I hope it didn’t have anything to do with this morning.
“Cas can I ask you something?” he wasn’t talking about this morning.
“Of course what is it?”
“I wanted to know what you think I should do about the letter Sam wrote to me after I wrote to him.” he didn’t have the slightest idea what he should’ve done with it. For the first time I saw Dean unsure of what to do.
“What do you think you should do?”I didn’t know either.
“I don’t know what to do Cas that’s why I’m asking you.”
“Then read it.” I didn’t know what was on either letters but that didn’t matter what mattered was those two were communicating. Grant it it was a different way of doing so but still communicating none the less.
“Just like  that Cas no reason why no more nothing?”
“Exactly Dean I think it’s great you two are finally talking. Grant it it’s through letters written four years ago but still.”
“Aw thanks Cas” Dean was sure now and it was because of me. I didn’t think I could make Dean sure of anything but I made him  sure about communicating with his brother. The one thing I wished I could do. I was never able to talk to my brothers or sisters. They always understood references and I never could. I wasn’t blessed with that ability and now I’m human and I don’t know what to do. Thank God for Dean Winchester I guess.
“Cas I need you to leave the room if I’m gonna read this letter.” Dean was so sure of himself that I left.

“Sam.” I said there was a crack in my voice I guess I deserved one. I didn’t care that he didn’t do everything on the letter but I cared that he cared enough to do most of it especially the ones that did matter like taking care of my baby. He knows how much that car means to me. Now I know that he would never do anything to that car. Except that time he thought I was in hell, but then I came back. It doesn’t matter I love him and he loves me enough to respect and take care of the thing I love just much as him and Cas.
I wasn’t sure I could take those four years without them. To be honest I thought that if I were to leave they would track me down and I‘d have to leave again. I thought that they would track me down and stay with me. But they didn’t and I love them for that.
“Ya’ know what Sammy I don’t care about anything you didn’t do for me because I missed you.” I said.
“But Dean I didn’t tell Cas and I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you about me and Gabe but I was scared that you would be disappointed in me.”
“I love you Sammy” I pulled him close and we stood there hugging and he gripped me tight the same way he did when I came back to life the first time.

“There’s nothing around here.” I said. Since Metatron is dead and Crowley hasn’t made a move for a while there really hasn’t been anything big.
“Are you sure there’s nothing wrong with heaven Gabe?” Dean was asking. I had lost track of what was actually going on after I had lost what grace I had left and Metatron died.
“I’m sure Dean I’m confused by it too but nothing’s happening up there.” Gabe sounded like he was disappointed with heaven and all the angels. What was up with those two?
“I wonder what Crowley’s up to.” Dean said trailing as he started to ask Sam and Gabe what the demon’s last move was. I want to know why Dean is so interested in everything all of a sudden. It’ seems like when he got back all he wanted to do was sit with me and Sam. But now he really wants back in and I’m confused.
“And you’re sure Abaddon's dead he didn’t just pop back to life to screw with us after I left?” Dean was asking them.
“I’m sure why?” I answered him I tried not to sound confused at him.
“Because I want to make sure I don’t have to use that stupid blade ever again. I threw it back into the ocean and I don’t ever want to have to use it again,” you could tell Dean was hurting by the way he said that.
“I made sure after you left Dean I would never do that to you. OK?” I had to make sure he was ok.
“OK.There’s something in a small town called Richfield says little girls are being taken,”Dean changed the subject.
--Time skip I Richfield MN hunting
We were sitting outside the warehouse. From the outside it looked like an eight year old tried to paint it,then another,better, person painted enochian sigils to ward off against angels. Which explains why Gabe couldn’t find the demon. We didn’t know who the demon was we just knew he was powerful and that he wasn’t torturing the girls he took. No one had seen them yes but no one had heard screams either.
We were going to wait until sun down, but Dean was getting excited.
“Can we go in now?” He was asking like a four year old who just wanted his pie.
“I don’t know it’s not up to me you and Sam are the experts,” I say like I’m his sarcastic dad who's telling him ‘I don’t know CAN you have some pie?’
“What’d you think Sammy can we go in yet?”
“Um I guess so Dean,” Sam was confused too you could tell he wasn’t sure that he liked Dean acting like a four year old.
We went in and saw the inside. It looked like a fun house. Not one of the creepy ones with clowns-Sam was relieved- it was one of the ones that was like a playground. But it was indoors. there was a twisty slide leading to a ball pit, and there was an in-ground trampoline, and that was connected to an foam pit so you could do flips or so I’m told.
“Wow. Even I couldn’t make something like this,” Gabe said. He was stunned. It must’ve been really complicated because he’s the best angel I know.
“Hello boys,” Crowley says coming around the corner. I was really hoping that it would be just another demon and not him. I was really happy that he wasn’t making any moves. He must have heard Dean was back.
“Where are the girls Crowley?” Dean sounded pissed that it was him.
“Oh they’re upstairs. Why?”
“What have you done to them?”
“Nothing actually.”
“Sam go with Gabe and get them.”
Sam and gabe started but they were stopped when they heard laughing. Crowley hadn’t done anything to them?
“No we can all go Dean see what they’re laughing at.” the king of hell said to my boyfriend too nicely.
We followed him around the corner and up the stairs down the hall to the laughing. To our surprise we found two girls sitting in front of a TV I don’t know what they were watching.
“Hey girls,” the demon said.
“Hi Crowley,” they said in unison. It was kind of creepy how they were in unison.
“What has he done to you two are you alright?” Dean was asking concerned like the awesome dad I know he is.
“He hasn’t done anything to us why?” The first girl said she had shoulder length blonde hair and she dressed a lot like Dean. He didn’t seem to notice.
“Because he’s the king of hell.” Dean was saying to them. We were all just watching him ask the two of them questions and get the answers he didn’t want. If you ask me it’s almost as if he  wanted Crowley to be torturing them.
“Oh we know that already that happened last season,” the other girl said. She had longer hair with blue tips. She dressed like a punk rock teenage girl.
“What?” Dean was so confused now he was almost mad I was getting scared if he got mad enough the mark might come back.
“Oh yeah. Sorry you were gone and I got bored so I made all that happened since Sam was born into a TV show.” Crowley told us.
It doesn’t how ever tell the fans that Dean and I are together and that Sam and Gabe are together. Crowley said that was for the fans to decide if they ‘shipped’ it or not. I don’t know what shipping means though oh well.
All I know is that I have Dean and Crowley wasn’t going to kill these girls. He said they were just testing the show so that he could produce it when it was perfect.
“One question though, why the hell would anyone want a TV show about us?!” Dean asked.

The End...