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The Voyages of the Waved Albatross
December 11, 2012
Summary:
Brown as a dead leaf that the wind has swept away from its tree, a mysterious sailor appears in a quiet cove in years following the War of Spanish succession, bringing with him a tale of daring, murder and adventure. All aboard the sloop, the Waved Albatross.
IMSteel
The Voyages of the Waved Albatross
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This book has 47 comments.
First off, I’ll tell you how excited I am to be reading this. It seems really interesting to read and I do love a good pirate story. By the way, I write my reviews as I’m reading the story so I don’t forget anything. Alright, one of the first thing I’m noticing is that this story is dripping with adjectives. Too many, in my opinion. I understand if you’re trying to put a really good image in the reader’s mind, but this many adjectives puts limitations on the reader’s imagination so they actually don’t get that great of a picture. Simplify, simplify, simplify. Someone told me once that the road to hell is paved in adjectives and I don’t disagree. Now, if this is your writing style and it’s what you want, don’t let me get in your way. I just think that most people will prefer less. “Only those free of worry dare ask me that,” he hissed, “And I can assure you, mister, that you are not at all free of the shadow of fear.” ß awesome! That was pretty epic, honestlyJ. “Excuse me ambiguous nature. Old habits, etc.” That etc. seems really out of place…would he really say that? There’s a few parts where we could use another dialogue tag just to keep track of who’s speaking when with a little more ease. Your dialogue is excellent! Very realistic and time appropriate. Also the mannerisms of the sailor and the soldier are perfect! The scene where the sailor was drinking in the marketplace was very good. Very descriptive (but not TOO descriptiveJ) and I got a really good image in my mind. And so was the end of the chapter. Very, very good. You really calmed down on the adjectives toward the end which is great. So overall, the first chapter was very interesting. You did a great job of setting up the sailor as a character that’s not really a ‘hero’ but just a sailor, you know? He’s got his flaws and certainly shows them in this chapter. I know I’ve said it before, but I truly am impressed, so again, awesome, awesome job with the dialogue and setting. Every last detail is perfect and completely believable. It’s so believable that I would probably believe the details in this story over a historians, hahahaJ But anyway, just simplify in the beginning and make sure everything that’s said would truly be said. I know that last things hard since it’s set in the 1700s but if you’ve done this much, you can certainly do that too! Fantastic job and I hope this helps!!:) I'll try to get to your other chapters in the next few days!
Stella_Val_Illicia GOLD said...
on Mar. 7 2013 at 11:56 am
That, my friend, is a wonderful story. I love the way the characters speak. It makes the whole' pirate story' aspect to it more prominent and realistic for me. Bones kind of reminds me of Jack Sparrow, but at the same time you've written this story in a way that makes me take Bones far more seriously. Love this!
Elphabalover72 said...
on Mar. 6 2013 at 8:59 pm
I agree with Becy. The characters and the vivd descriptions are fantastic but the long paragraphs do make it a little tougher to read. Over all well done:)
You are really a fantastic writer! I only have one critisim: That it is a little hard to read because of the long paragraphs (sorry your probably quite tired of reading that!) . The description is fantastic however and you can really get a sense of the characters way of thinking
story is still going strong I see, but I have to say the dialougue is gaining a slight sprinkle of cheese, you know? Just a little! but I love the main character. I like how he is so piraty but he analyses everything in such an intellectual way...not that pirates can't be smart...
In_Love_with_Writing GOLD said...
on Jan. 14 2013 at 10:09 pm
Wow! It's really good. You're an excellent writer :)
marchbutterfly GOLD said...
on Jan. 13 2013 at 2:41 pm
I've only read the first chapter so far but I have to say that already it seems pretty good. It is very descriptive and there is great imagery. The only real criticisms I have is the dialogue is kind of hard to read and there are a couple of very small grammatical error. Other than that good job and keep on writing
therabidrabbit BRONZE said...
on Jan. 11 2013 at 9:55 pm
I really liked it. The only criticism I would have is that the ending was rather abrupt. I think, if made longer, it would be a good book.
Thank you so much for the feedback, you obviously have a good brain. Just know this: I don't write so that everyone who can't really appreciate the art of desciption can enjoy it, I write so as to bring back literature of ages past, where the heart of the story lies in the picture that the author paints with his words. Thanks again!
GuardianoftheStars GOLD said...
on Jan. 10 2013 at 7:52 pm
Teen Ink has a way of messing with your format....
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