Butterfly | Teen Ink


January 20, 2011
By Niya_Smilees GOLD, philadelphia, Pennsylvania
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Niya_Smilees GOLD, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
13 articles 0 photos 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Live in the moment because reality hurts."

Author's note: This is a short , two chapters of Butterfly. Please let me know what you think of it! :)

I watched her as she ran around in the back , chasing a butterfly that she was clearly trying to catch. It was funny how she could be so happy when we had almost nothing , when we where forced to live in a home for pregnant people and she had to do work even though she was only three years old. I was lucky they had even let me stay after i had Katie , that we still had a home. After i got pregnant in the middle of my freshman year in high school my mom kicked me out. I lived with my aunt for a little, keeping the fact that i had Katie in me away from her till i found this place. The Light house home for pregnant girls.
I didn't understand how i got pregnant in the first place. it was my first time and we used a condom. It didn't work i guess. it was with my best friend , Teck , we called him. He said it would be fine and that nothing would happen. He lied. But at least he did support me and he didn't want me to get rid of Katie like i didn't wanna get rid of her in the first place. Even if he wanted me to i don't think i would have had the guts to do it. Teck came to see Katie a lot. three times every week he would drop by and go out in the back and play with her , even have little tea party's that they sometimes invited me to. Teck wasn't up to calling Katie his daughter yet , and i didn't make him. Katie knew that was her daddy and she called him Dada somethings and it makes him jumpy ,so mostly she just calls him that to me and calls him Tecky to his face. Him being in her life was good for me even if he would let her call him daddy at least she knew that's who he was.
"Mama , mama look what i did , look what i did!" Katie yelled.
I opened the screen door and walked outside as she ran up to me and opened her little cuffed hands to show me the butterfly she managed to catch. I smiled at her and picked her up, smoothing her sandy brown hair she got from her dad. "Wow Katie you caught it , mommy's so proud of you."
"Can we get a jar and put the flutter fly in it? Just for a little then i set it free." she asked her speech not perfect put i knew what she was trying to ask me. I sat her on her feet. Agreeing to let her have a jar for the butterfly , i grabbed out from the cup bored and stabbed holes in it. I returned to her and sat her on the swing , taking my spot beside her; we put the butterfly in the jar.
"Yayy we did it!" she cheered jumping down and running into the house. I laughed and followed her in.

I washed the dishes after lunch was served with Lea. A girl who had also stayed after her baby was born and my roommate from the first day i same here. She had a boy , Alex was his name he was also Katie's best friend. I could only pray what happened to me wouldn't happen to them. Lea was a few years older then me. She was nineteen and i was sixteen but we got along like we where the same age.
Alex and Katie ran in making air plane sounds and yelling "land , land" Me and Lea laughed at they sat on the floor as there "landing". i looked down as Katie who smiled up at me with her butterfly jar still in her hand. "are you gonna let out your butterfly Katie?" i asked her drying off a plate and putting it away. soon it was gonna die and she would be upset and cry. That's something that i didn't wanna go through today.
"Yes but dada is on his way mama. can i wait so i can show him? Then he said he play plains with me and Alex." Alex made a plain noise to confirm that they where all gonna play plains. I smiled and nodded. i didn't know that Teck was coming over. He must have called the house and asked to speak to her and not called my cell phone.
"Fly , fly" Alex yelled and Katie got up and flew with him into the yard.
"I wish Alex's dad would come around like Katie's" Lea said looking down at the soap in the sink as it drained. Alex's dad didn't want anything to do with him. he didn't want his name said ,he didn't want his name on anything with Alex on it and he didn't want Alex to know he was his dad. he made that very clear wile Lea was pregnant with him. i made Lea mad that his dad didn't wanna be there for him and she had to do it basically alone besides me helping her out and the people here at lighthouse.
"Its gonna be okay. you where okay with out him all this time and you don't need him now." and that was true. I don't here Alex ask abut his dad. I guess he just dosn't think he has one. Or maybe Lea told him about his dad already. i didn't know and i didn't wanna be involved with that.

The door bell rang as Katie was feeding her butterfly grass from the back. she was sure that if she kept doing it , the butterfly would come back tomorrow and play again. i was almost positive that it wouldn't come back ad i would have to here her cry about it tomorrow.
i walked to the door and opened it. Teck stood there ,tall and as good looking as always. His sandy brown hair messy and curly and his Carmel colored skin inviting. he wore a gray shirt that fit perfect , showing how his body was formed and a pair of dark jeans.
"Hey Stormie." he said dragging me into a tight hug. i hugged him back and laughed a little.
"Hey Teck , Katie is in the back. she has something to show you."
he smiled and walked in going to his normal place with her in the back. i followed him and leaned in the door way and watched as Katie ran and clung onto his leg yelling at him to look at her new friend the butterfly she named Y.
I loved watching them together. They looked really cute and it looked like Teck really was getting use to her after three years. The first year he was really confused with how to take care of her. By the time she was one he was still kinda distant ,he came over more to watch her walk but he wasn't really into it and that was clear. when she started talking he felt more into it as he would say. he could understand what she wanted and he could play around with her with out worrying about her crying and not knowing what as wrong.
"Tecky you think flutterfly come back?" she asked looking at the jar ready to let it out. i could tell she didn't want to but she knew it would die if she didn't and she didn't want that. i knew in her head she thought the butterfly would come back tomorrow for her but i knew it wouldn't and i didn't like that she grew so close to it and it wouldn't last.
"Yes i think its gonna come back just for you. you have been a great friend to it and its only right." Teck told her. she smiled and opened the jar. i watched as the butter fly sat on the top of the jar then flew to Katie head. she laughed as it flew away from her. she yelled her good bye to it and sang "come again another day" over and over. i smiled as she ran to the screen door and i opened it for her.
"I'm gonna go get Alex so we play plains with Tecky." she told me and she ran pass and upstairs. Teck came inside and leaned on the wall.
"she's really happy today" he said.
"Yup because of that butterfly shes been like that all day."
he nodded and slipped his finger in his messy hair. "So would it be okay if i took Katie to my house for the night? My mom is dying to see her."
I became stiff and slowly looked up. i hated being away from Katie. It was like a nightmare for me i felt like everything was gonna go wrong. like that day she would some how find a way to get into something she didn't need to be in. I scratched my head. My black curls bouncing as i questioned it.

I packed Katie's bag with all the stuff she would need. i was gonna let Teck take her for the night and he would bring her back first thing in the morning.
I was only letting this happen because i was happy that Teck wanted to take her home and spend more time with her. That meant he was warming up to her and he did love her the way a dad should.
Katie sat on the bed with her stuffed puppy named R and her empty jar. she swung her feet and hummed twinkle twinkle little star , or was it her ABC's she knew both. thanks to the school program they had here Katie was a really smart three year old. Thanks to her dad she was also leaning her ABC's in Spanish. He said it would be good to learn about his side and being Spaniard and not just being American. Teck wasn't from Spain but his mom was and he could speak Spanish very easy and fluent.
"Sing twinkle twinkle for me Kat?" Teck asked ,leaning in the door way. Katie looked back at him and smiled ,standing on the bed and singing with R. i smiled as i zipped her bag up and scooped her off the bed. she laughed and i placed her on the floor and handed Teck her bag.
As she finished her song i clapped and Teck howled bravo. she bowed and i smiled and sat my self at her level.
"What are you gonna do when your at grandma's?" i asked her.
"Be good and give grandma a great big bear hug!"
"And are you gonna brush your teeth and hair before you go to bed?"
she nodded. i smiled and high fived her before hugging her tight. i didn't want her to leave even if it was only for a night. i wanted her to stay with me and tell me crazy made up story's as she layed in bed with me. i wanted her to swing around her stuff dog till i told her to sit down. i wanted to hear her sing the brush song she made up. i wanted her to fall asleep in our bed before me and take up a full size been even though she was only 2'9. i didn't want her to leave at all even if she was gonna be back at ten in the morning. i had to let her go.
i stood back up and led them down stairs to the door. she ran to Tecks car with R in her arms she hopped right in and waited. Teck looked at me and smiled pulling me in for a hug. he was still my best friend and i wish we had more time together. i wish we could just hangout like old times. he smoothed out my hair like i did Katie's. As he did that he lean forward and kissed me. He really kissed me like a normal guy would kiss a normal girl. not like best friends. the funny part was i kissed back like a normal girl would kiss a normal guy. Nothing like a two people who had a baby girl waiting the car and could most likely see everything that as going on.
As he pulled away i opened my eyes mostly clue less of what was happening and he didn't give me a chance to ask any thing as he flashed me one of his killers smiles and he simply said, "See ya Stormie"

"So he just kissed you? Just like that?" Lea asked as we walked down into the yoga room ,where everyone was just about to start there class.
"Yes like a real kiss. and i kinda liked it." i told her. but i didn't kinda like it i really liked it. Lea smiled at me. i wish i knew what she was thinking but i didn't wanna ask what she was smiling at, because i didn't wanna here her say what i knew she was gonna say.
As we went inside the class i took my mat in the front next to Izzy who was the instructor and a friend of mine. she convinced everyone to let me stay. i had no where else to go. i mean I'm sure Teck would have let us stay with him but i didn't want to. that would be to weird for me and i think Katie grew up great here. i think this was the right place for us right now at least.

As i fixed breakfast with Lea in the morning,we where talking to a girl who was kind of like me. She was fifteen and she was pregnant but with twins. she dropped out of high school and like me it happened on the first time with her best friend.
"I didn't know it was gonna happen. It just did and i couldn't get rid of them. there my baby's they came from us. It would just be wrong." Hannah-may said rubbing her big three mouth belly. I knew where she was coming from. I thought about adoption with Katie but never just killing her and never giving her a chance at life because me and Teck did something wrong.
"I know where your coming from." I told her. "So where are you gonna go from here?"
She shrugged. She told us that her mom kicked her out. her grandma was sick by her. her aunt was a follower and the baby's dad was in jail and didn't want anything to do with the twins unless they where boys or one was a boy. Hannah-may didn't go for that. you took both or none at all. i respected that.
"I was hoping they let me stay." she admitted.
"I think that's a good idea and i would support you on that. you really grow here and you baby's will grow. you don't act like a kid anymore because you have to do so much to stay here. your like a house wife." Lea explained.
i agreed. "You get the first the first year off living here. you do little things like washing dishes , mopping floors. after that year you do real stuff. taking care of everyone ,running out to shop, organizing evens. things like me and Lea do. The good thing is there is so many people here that everyone can watch Katie or Alex and your baby's too."
Hannah-May nodded told me how she loved Katie and how she was so happy. people told me that a lot. It made me happy that everyone loved my daughter and it made me want her to come home. i missed her to much.
Just as i wished Katie was here with me , i herd her laugh and herd her say mama. i looked at the door way as Teck carried her in placing her on her feet and she ran to me. i laughed along with Lea and Hannah as she held my leg tight then held her jar up to me showing me a butterfly.
"Look Mama Y came and found me at Nana's."
I took the jar from her and looked inside it. It was her butterfly, the same one. But how could that happen? How could one butterfly in as place as big as Delaware fine one little girl. My little girl. I didn't understand it but if it was making Katie happy how could i say anything.

As Katie help me clean the dinning room wile the girls where out back getting fresh air,she told me about her night at Tecks house. she told me that Teck helped her bake cookies and she got to catch fire fly's out back. then her grandma read her a story and she told her a story too. the one about the snow ball that learned to fly. it was the best one to me ,mostly because it was so silly but she loved it. she told me she brushed her teeth and hair before she went to bed and Teck slept on the floor.
"Mama miss me?" she asked.i sat on the sofa and pulled her on my lap. "i missed you very much." i told her. my bed felt empty with out her. the room felt like it was missing something. Alex was fast asleep before six o'clock and Lea did work on her computer. she took three college courses online ,she always said she wanted to be something in life. that she didn't wanna fall behind.
she really wanted to be a photographer she said when Alex was old enough they where gonna go to new york where she knew a friend that would get hr started. she wanted me and Katie to come along but i wasn't sure unless Teck was coming too. i wouldn't take her away from her dad like that. it was wrong.I knew because my mom took me away from my dad and aunts on his side in California when I was Katie's age. I didn't really know anything about them anymore. I wish I knew what happened with them. I would never know now.
When my mom kicked me out she told me that she wanted nothing to do with me. She said Teck would leave and not help at all with Katie. That me and my baby would die on the street. That I would be dumb and amount to nothing. Last thing she said before slamming the door in my face was that I was just like my dad in every way.
She was wrong about everything. Teck didn't leave he was right here beside me with everything and being great to Katie. I wasn't dumb I was smarter then I was when she put me in any public school. I was perfectly healthy wit my baby girl. When she said I was like my dad it didn't hurt. What I did recall about my dad where all good things. I would rather be like him and not her who puts her pregnant daughter on the streets and wishes death apond her and her unborn child.
Katie would have better. So much better I promised her that one thing. She was better then this. She was my sweet little baby girl who needed better then this. I would get her better. New York would be so much better. I shook my head thinking about it as me and Katie got back to cleaning. What a thrill it would be , living in new york with a girl who has grown to be my best friend and maybe i could be a writer like i always wanted. I was really good but i was sure my dreams where shattered when i peed on that little stick and a little pink plus showed up. I had hope again now. After i was done with high school i could do what Lea was doing on line. I wouldn't be that far behind her and i would finish high school early because it was like a home school and i was on a higher level then i was normally at. This could be a good plan for me. But I didn't wanna jump to anything to fast. Nothing was sure , nothing was certain.

Katie and Alex ran outside chasing her butterfly that i still found very suspicious as Lea and I helped out with the out door aroma therapy. I found it stupid because it was suppose to be indoors , where the aroma could be trapped and work like its originally suppose to be. I guess it was because it wasn't completely good for them or maybe they just wanted to be outside. I looked around as i helped a girl get settled into her spot and lit a
lemon grass candle placing it close to her. She inhaled it and smiled rubbing her five month belly.
I looked at Hannah-May that didn't look completely into it. I walked over to her and she tried to brighten her self up and smile for me. Like she was having fun sitting on grass with a hell lode of fire and oil around her.
"You don't have to act like you like it. I think it dumb they didn't do this with me." I whispered to her because Fay who came up with the whole thing was near by , poring oil into the small glass holders. She relaxed back , looking looking like she didn't know what was going on again. "Its just that i didn't get any sleep last night. My bed felt to small, my body felt to big, and the baby's felt smushed."
I think every girl here had that feeling before. Like you where so big you cant even move right and you cant sleep.
"Just shut your eyes and relax. Fay will think you enjoying her crappy aroma therapy."
She smiled and i smiled too walking over to Lea and sitting beside her. She leaned her head on my shoulder. "Am i the only one who thinks this is dumb?" she asked me. I laughed and shook my head.
"No i think most people think its dumb. But let Fay think its working."
We laughed as we watched her hop around the yard talking and the girls looked at her like she was crazy. Fay wasn't crazy she was just very hyper all the time. She loved being hyper , she said it was just the joy bursting in her body that she wasn't like us. I think she's gonna get pregnant soon with the rate she'd doing her boyfriend. I would just let her have her fun for now.
Alex and Katie ran pass laughing, Katie's spring sun dress swishing around in the wind as she played happily. I smiled at my daughter and knew that in the long run she would be okay

In the middle of dinner , Jenna screamed in pain from the end of the table. All our heads shot up from our food, all
conversations stopping as she held her belly in pain. What was happening , surly she wasn't going tin the labor she was only 7 mouths. Me and Izzy rushed to her side helping her from the table and into the bathroom. I rushed running a warm bath as Izzy tried to calm her down dabbing a wet cloth on her head , whispering soft words to her.
I really she wasn't having what i think she was having. I didn't even want to think the word it was so bad. That would put everyone in the house in shock. It would be the first one we had in Four years. Lea told me before i came there was one girl who had one and it was really bad. She wouldn't leave the house and she told me she's still here , she just cant tell me who it is. I wish i knew who it was, but Lea said i would pity her and she didn't want that , so till this day i was clueless.
Me and Izzy helped her undress and sat her in the warm tub. She settled down a little but she did ask to be alone. Izzy
agreed but she said she would be right in the other room waiting.

I sat on the end of my bed that night as Katie was sleeping , legs spreed out wildly with her thumb in the mouth. Lea didn't ask me about what happened at dinner because i was sure that she already knew. Everyone knew. Jenna had almost lost her baby , thankfully she was okay. The Doctor told her that she needed to take everything slow for the next 3 mouths till the baby was born. Izzy made it her job that she did jut that. As another thing, Yanna was moving in. Yanna was the daughter of the fonder of lighthouse. She was a big deal. I meet her a few times . Once before I had Katie , 3 times after. Unlike everyone else , she wasn't a big fan of my daughter. She hated that she ran around the house so free. She made work more when she was here. She made her do things like pick up trash and fix the shoe pile near the front door because we dint where shoes in here , it was a lot. I
didn't like her that was a fact. I wasn't gonna let her talk to my daughter anyway she wanted. Point blank. She was my heart , and i didn't like when people played with my heart.
"I don't want Yanna moving in." Lea said , breaking the heavy silents in the room besides Katie's breathing and Alex snoring.
"I know , I don't think anyone wants her here. Izzy was protesting on the phone last time i saw her. I think she has a problem with kids."
"I'm sure she has a problem with kid's. She doesn't like Katie and she doesn't like Alex. She doesn't have any kids of her own and she bitter. I don't like her at all."
Lea shut her lap top and laid down. I sighed and moved Katie's body over laying down next to her and switching off the light. We said our good nights before going to bed.

I woke up to coughing and wheezing crazily. My heart starting beating like crazy as i switched the light own and saw my worst nightmare. Katie holding her chest and struggling to breath. i scooped her up and glanced at Lea who was sitting up looking as scared as i was. I yelled for her to call 911. What was happening to my little angel? Was she gonna be okay? Why her? What made it happen?
Everything ran through my head right now as i hurried out to door and down stairs , Lea on my heals with Alex and calling Teck instead of the police. I grabbed the house car keys and rushed in. Laying Katie's pale, sick, body in the back where Lea slid in beside me. Right now i was scared for my daughter's life and i was shaking like i never knew a person could.
Swirls clouded my head as i drove down the slick , glossy street. I didn't know what was happening i was just driving , the directions to the hospital flowing in my head. I made sharp terns and harsh moves that could be more dangerous then what Katie was already going through. Right now i didn't care. I was crying the swirls of darkness mixing with my tears and pain that over came my body. I grabbed the wheel tight as i pulled up to the hospital.
"Take her in, I cant move." I told Lea. She didn't argue with me she just gave Alex a light push out the car , scooped Katie up and went inside. I placed my head on the wheel and broke down crying. I felt completely weak and stupid. I couldn't even take my daughter inside. I couldn't look at her. This was the first time she was sick and i felt like it was all my fault. I didn't watch her right, she got into something, she eat something wrong. I don't know but it was wrong and it was to my expense that my daughter was in there having problems with breathing. My god Stormie, you can't do anything right. It sounded just like my mom telling me that. Maybe she was right. I wasn't even in there now with her helping her, being strong for her. I was in the car being a dumb ass crying my eyes out. Why did i have to be such a screw up. I sat up whipping my tears away and pushing the hair our my face before getting up and walking in the hospital.
Katie was already in room and a Doctor was already checking on her. I wasn't allowed to go in and see her right now but i looked through the glass and they did work on her. I cried and sobbed and held my head in my hand. How could i let this happen? I felt arms wrap around my body and i looked up. I was Teck's worried green eyes looking down at me. I turned in holding him tight and crying harder into his warm chest. Letting my tear flow freely without trying to be strong, with out trying to be that perfect mom. I relized that i had made a mistake with my daughter and all i could do was weep.

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