Montpelier

Cast: Maxwell Axe, Ray Krowe

RAY

(peers up from book)

What have you got there?

MAXWELL

This? It’s many little pieces in strange shapes that, taken as the singular parts means nothing, but all together forms a cohesive picture that which your mind can understand.

RAY

(raises eyebrow)

You could have just said a puzzle you know…

MAXWELL

(tilts head)

Is that what we’re calling it?

RAY

Well yeah.

MAXWELL

(Shakes head)

Well I, for one, disagree with this name. A puzzle test your mental capabilities. They require knowledge and ingenuity. This requiring neither. So I fail to see how this encompasses a puzzle in anyway.

RAY

(sighs)

I think you’re reading into this too much.

MAXWELL

Maybe you’re just reading into it too little.

RAY

Alright. There’s no sense arguing with you. What’s this “puzzle” about anyways?

MAXWELL

It’s an illustration of the 50 territories formed in unison when colonists from Europe set foot in North America.

RAY

(Chuckling)

You could have just said it was a map of the U.S.

MAXWELL

Well I, for one, disagree with that name. A map shows roads, geographical land landmarks, and notable city. None of which are represented in this.

RAY

(Shakes head)

This again? If the name is so bad, why don’t you just come up with one?

MAXWELL

I am simply one who critiques.

RAY

(smirks)

Or you’re just an idiot.

MAXWELL

(smiles)

You must think you’re so clever Ray.

RAY
(grinning)

You have to give me at least some credit for that one.

MAXWELL

(arms crossed)

You will receive no such thing Ray.

RAY
(confused)

Why do you keep saying my name like that?

MAXWELL

I have to disagree with this name. As a ray is any number of straight lines passing through a point, and you don’t seem to exhibit this trait, I must disagree with your name.

RAY

You’re going to have to take up this one with my parents…

MAXWELL

(uncrossing arms)

No thank you. I have a puzzle to solve.

RAY

(confused)

I thought you said it wasn’t a puzzle.

MAXWELL
(Dumps out all of the pieces. One falls to the floor)

Now, let’s see.

RAY

(picks up piece)

Looks like this fell.

MAXWELL

(turns head away from piece)

It has been tarnished. I shall not use that piece.

RAY

Well, you won’t be able to complete the puzzle without it you know.

MAXWELL

The puzzle is complete when I say so. Therefore, I do not use that piece.

RAY

(looks at piece in hand)

Do you have something against Vermont?

MAXWELL

(nods head furiously)

Yes. I have everything against Vermont. It has decided to abandon it’s comrade and head to the floor.

RAY

(scratches chin)

Have you ever been to Vermont? I bet you don’t know anything about it even.

MAXWELL

Lies! I happen to know all about it!

RAY

Really? Alright. How about a challenge. If you can correctly answer the question, you may leave the piece out of the puzzle, but if you cannot answer the question, you must use the piece.

MAXWELL

(pensively)

A tempting offer indeed. Very well. I will accept your silly challenge.

RAY

Alright. You ready?

MAXWELL

Always.

RAY

What’s the capital of Vermont?

MAXWELL

(squinting)

Hmmmmmmm…

RAY
(smiles)

What’s the matter?

MAXWELL

Hartford?

RAY

That’s the capital of Connecticut.

MAXWELL

Vermontia?

RAY

(laughs)

That’s not even a city!

MAXWELL

(hits fist against table)

Dang you Vermont!

RAY

(waving piece)

Looks like you’ll be needed this.

MAXWELL

(pouty face)

I don’t think so. According to the previously stated rules, I only have to use the piece if I quote “Could not answer the question”. Given that I have answered the question, I don’t have to use the piece.

RAY

(clenched fist)

Seriously? That’s playing dirty.

MAXWELL

(smirking)

Haven’t you heard the saying? Always play dirty when it has to do with Vermont.

RAY

Literally nobody has ever said that.

MAXWELL

(triumphantly)

Until today.

RAY

(impatient)

Look, can you just use the piece?

MAXWELL

(dramatically)

Fine! I’ll use the cursed piece. What was it, Vermont?

RAY

(hands piece)

Yeah.

MAXWELL

I can finally begin putting this together!

RAY

I can help you out in case you get stuck, yeah?

MAXWELL

(confidant)

I don’t intend on getting stuck!

MAXWELL

(slamming the pieces into place)

Missouri! Kentucky! Iowa! Mississippi! Georgia! South Carolina! North Carolina!

RAY

(impressed)

Wow! You’ve really improved!

MAXWELL

(reaches for next piece)

Tennessee! A great state. Nashville! A great capital!

RAY

(Intrigued)

Have you been there before?

MAXWELL

(proudly)

Nope!

RAY
(laughs)

Interesting! I’m not even going to ask.

MAXWELL

(Excitedly)

Look! I’m on the last piece!

RAY

Oh! So it’s true. What piece might this be?

RAY

(disappointed)

…

RAY

Vermont, huh?

MAXWELL

(looking away)

Oh yeah… Kinda forgot about that piece.

RAY

Please don’t tell me I’m going to have to convince you to put the piece in.

MAXWELL

(cautiously reaches for piece)

No worries. I’ll put it the cursed final piece.

MAXWELL

There!

RAY

(gives high five)

It’s beautiful! You did a great job!

MAXWELL

Thank you! Thank you!

ANNOUNCER

(heard over intercom)

Maxwell Axe. Congratulations! You have made a full recovery! Your family has been called. They are coming to take you back home.

RAY

(frozen)

Right.. Your family is coming. You did a fine job Max.

MAXWELL

I know!

Ray

(tearing up)

It seems like just yesterday you came in a nervous wreck. Like an unassembled puzzle that no one could solve.

MAXWELL

(confused)

Ray?

RAY

(tears in eye)

I’m going to miss you Max

MAXWELL

(grins)

You can visit anytime doc!

INTERCOM

Maxwell Axe. Your parents are here. Please report to the front office.

MAXWELL

Well, I need to be going.

RAY

Yes I know.

MAXWELL

(turns around as walking out the door)

Oh yeah!

RAY

(looks up)

Yeah?

MAXWELL

(shouted happily)

Montpellier!

RAY

(smiles)

Now. Would you look at that…