January 17, 2022
By Lilnell, St.louis, Missouri
More by this author
Lilnell, St.louis, Missouri
0 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Author's note:

This is about me Nell Johnson, I've gone through a lot of things just never really thought about those things in a positive Perspective that can help other people until now.

    I'm going to tell you about a time where I had to face a challenge in my life. My whole life has been a challenge but this particular one has made me into the man I am today. I used to be the kid that always did what he wanted, went everywhere without telling anyone, and raised myself and worried about me because I was never shown love to me as a kid. I was a 16 year old that didn’t know himself. I was lost, I lived with my grandpa at the time. I was doing horrible things like stealing cars, doing drugs, in gangs just doing things I had no business doing.

That led up to me skipping school, leaving school to go with people i called my brothers just do go smoke and not knowing where that would take me in life. I wouldn’t change my grandpa got tired of given me lectures and them going in one ear out the other, so that led up to him kicking me out to go live with my mom back in St.Louis City. 


    He told me that he did it so he could scare me but I grew up in the City I know how it is down there. It was like my  habitat. I didn’t want to move down there because I already knew what was going to happen and what my life was going to be like if I would live with my mom. And guess what it turned out exactly the way I expected, a very toxic environment, the house was very broken physically and mentally, and honestly the only good thing I could say about that place is that I grew a lot closer to my little brothers and sisters. There would be many days me and my mom would fight and argue but I would always start it because I didn’t like the person she was and what she did. My mom is an addict and it tears me to pieces to see her like that and for my little siblings to see her like that too. There were things she did that really pushed my buttons like leaving for weeks, days and knowing that she doesn't have a phone so I couldn't call her to see where she would  be. This caused so many problems and finally she got tired of me pointing out her flaws and “ being disrespectful”, so she wanted me gone so I left with so much frustration because one thing that she told me that I will never forget is “ You're not my son”.


    I moved again to Ucity to stay with my brother and this living situation didn’t last very long. Before I came there I was in the streets for a night because I had no phone, nowhere to go and just didn’t have anyone that cared for me at the time so I slept in the streets for a night. The next day I walked to my brother's apartment because I had nothing else to do and no one to go to. He lets me in and we talk about why my mom kicked me out and just chat it up for a bit. Things at this house were so weird because I knew that my brother knew what he did to me as a kid. We never talked, never got along, we just never clicked because there was so much mental build up and it was never talked about because I was lost and I'm pretty sure he was lost as well. One day his girlfriend came over and I left his room so fast because I knew that my big brother wasn’t going to want me in his room while his girlfriend was over so I went into my older sister's room to pet the cat they had. All of sudden he comes out of nowhere and says “ Get out!! You know you're not supposed to be in here” and I literally told him “ I just getting the cat bruh there isn’t anything else to do”. He didn’t care this made me so mad and heated I called him out of his name and he said something that really ticked me off so I ran in his room and started fighting him, he called the cops and that's when I just ran out and left didn’t have no route to where I was going just completing lost at this point. A lot of my anger for  fighting him was from what he did to me and my little sister when we were kids. It just didn’t feel right to know that the dude I live with did something to me as a kid and was never brought to talk about.


    I was walking around the night my brother called the cops on me and I saw a cop and went up to him and told this officer my whole life story and I truly believe that that was my start to a new beginning. A U-City officer took me into the police station and asked me a whole bunch of questions about my family history and just more about what happened that night. So I told him everything, like where I'm from, the way I grew up what got me to the streets. He felt sorry for me at the time. I didn't know why he was helping me. I was in the station until 3:00 in the morning. He made sure I got some food and water throughout the night. He was making calls left and right and this had me so confused because I was thinking “Doesn't anybody in my family want me”. So he tells me who he’s on the phone with and it's the Children Division. He stayed with me to make sure I had a place to stay and then we left because he found a place that was willing to take me in. So we arrive in Ballwin Mo, and I’m just thinking about my whole life at this point because I was still lost and afraid of what was going to happen. We arrived at this home that he was telling me about in the car on the way to this place. I was asking so many questions like “ Where am I going?” “ Who are these people taking me into their home?” etc.. It was 4:00 in the morning and we were knocking and ringing someone’s doorbell. I didn't really know what to think but just fear that’s all. A lady opened the door and she says come on in her dog is barking at me and just alot going on. Mrs.Phyllis she tells me her name was, she fixes me a bowl of cereal and takes me to my room after. After that I go to bed with so much on my mind just mainly thinking about what’s going to happen to me.


    This home really changed who I am and the person I wanted to become in so many ways. Living at Mrs.Phyllis was a lot of fun and taught me so many lessons. I couldn’t really do anything but stay in my room because of covid. But as my stay there got longer I started to take advantage of covid and use it in a positive way. I had so much alone time I started to meditate and write my thoughts down. This taught me so much about myself and the way I think I literally became the best version of myself with all the time I had alone. I would come out of my room sometimes just to get some air but I was so dedicated to getting to know myself that I just did what was best for me at the time, And this led up to me thinking about the bigger picture and what I want my life to be like. Mrs.Phyllis home taught me how to read myself and others, be aware of my thoughts and most importantly be in tune with myself.


Today I Look at this  as a part of my testimony in order to get To where I want to go I had to go through these things, because everything I just explained to you was a person from no thinking, not being really aware of anything even myself to becoming someone who can make a change in the world and help others like I helped myself. So if you grabbed anything from this let it be inspiration that you are the creator of your life.

Similar books


This book has 0 comments.