Bleak White | Teen Ink

Bleak White

September 10, 2011
By Erecura PLATINUM, Eugene, Oregon
Erecura PLATINUM, Eugene, Oregon
26 articles 11 photos 50 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Hell is empty; all the devils are here."
The tempest


Lina wakes up in a hospital with no memory of how she got there. In fact, with no memory at all of past events. As the hospital searches for her family, she dreams the same dream every night. Obsessed with finding an answer, her search leads her to a boy who may or may not have to answer, and a secret that could mean certain death.


Bleak White

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This book has 4 comments.

on Oct. 25 2011 at 8:51 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Wow, this plot is definitely intriguing.  I just have a few minor criticisms:

1.  Your pace is a bit fast.  I would really like for things to slow down a tiny bit (even though this is a thriller/mystery novel).

2.  More description.  This kind of goes with the pacing and a little more description will help readers feel like they're in the novel more.


Other than that, excellent work!

on Oct. 9 2011 at 6:19 pm
Love.Hate.Passion., Spring Valley, Illinois
0 articles 0 photos 356 comments

Favorite Quote:
~Hope. Faith. Love~
~Be proud of who you are.You are all unique in a different way.~
~I WILL NOT fade into oblivion , and become less than
a distant memory.~

I am absolutely loving this story It's nicely detailed and has an edge of mystery to it. I really like your characters , but there are some minor mistakes you can work on in your piece. It flows relatively well , and I can't wait until you write more. Great work , this is getting a five!

on Oct. 2 2011 at 4:37 am
Garnet77 PLATINUM, Sinagpore, Other
31 articles 6 photos 577 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything's a triangle." ~ My mother

"Write what you love, write what you care about, because sometimes, it's the easiest way to be heard."

Wow! I really like this story! I'm really intrigued by the plot. Please keep writing! I'd love to see more! And I just had a few comments--I feel like you could expand this. The writing is excellent so far, but the story goes by really quickly. Maybe slow it down, add a few more descriptions... Other than that, this is great! :)

leafy said...
on Sep. 14 2011 at 12:14 pm
leafy, City, Other
0 articles 0 photos 682 comments

Favorite Quote:
Gil: I would like you to read my novel and get your opinion. 
Ernest Hemingway: I hate it. 
Gil: You haven't even read it yet. 
Ernest Hemingway: If it's bad, I'll hate it. If it's good, then I'll be envious and hate it even more. You don't want the opinion of another writer. 

I like it so far! But it seems to me that it could just be a longer short story, or the first chapter of something, since each of the flashbacks/flash forwards are a bit short. But I like how you did the "flashes," and the plot is very unique. 5/5 can't wait for more!