I feel cold, and yet the sun is blazing upon my skin. I feel dull, yet the sky radiates with colour. This pain is unbearable and is attacking me from within; I often wondered what death meant, when I was a child that is. I imagined death as something to fear, but hell did I know that when I was older I would desire such decaying of my physical form.
But to the world death is portrayed as a physical process. Infact nobody is aware of the death that can occur from within. Only those are aware who have experienced such cruelty. It really hurts, dying from within, because I’m guessing that when you die physically, the effects of death begin to wear off, such as the physical pain of dying and all. But when you die from within the effects don’t really wear off, because you are still alive, you are still breathing, and as long as you are alive you will feel the decaying of your soul from within, at least that’s how it feels. So it only makes sense to die physically too, as that way you die properly, you receive the full experience of death, and the sense of satisfaction and relief too, because your time is finally over as you know it to be.
That’s why I want to die, to be free from the pain that has restricted my body to feel positive emotions. I would like to feel happy again, if possible, and I sometimes wonder if death from within could somehow be reversible. But then how could it? Because then physical pain isn’t exactly reversible, I mean once death has taken action, it isn’t exactly stoppable is it? That’s why death is so appealing to me, you know, because it appears to me as a way out of this labyrinth of suffering.