To my old school,
Have you ever had leave all the friends you’ve had for your whole life? Have you ever had to do this against your own will? Have you ever fought so hard to just stay where you’re at, where you're comfortable,where your life is? Have you ever stood face-to-face with someone that you know? The world seems to silence around you and you make definite eye contact, but they don’t seem to know you back. It is almost like you’ve become a total stranger.

My answer to these questions and thousands more just like them is yes, yes I have. I had gone to my old school from the time I was born till the end of eighth grade. Towards the end of middle school I felt that I finally started to fit in, I had found my niche, but all that was taken away when a family catastrophe had occured. After a series of moves, I ended up in the school I am in today. Don’t get me wrong, it is a great school and all, but it’s just not the same as the very personal experience that I had at my old school.

I definitely did not want to leave my old school. I have stayed in contact with some of my closest friends, but I do miss some people that don’t talk to me anymore. I have tried to stay a part of my old school and to see those people by going to some of my old school’s football games. When I would go,I would pick out one of my favorite outfits and try to look my best, kinda like a first date. I could feel the butterflies swelling inside of me as I approached the big blue ticket booth. Already with my money ready, I quickly pay for my tiny little, plain, rectangle ticket to get into the stadium that I used to call mine. I walk past the familiar, and always busy, concession stand while looking for familiar faces. Disappointed, I turn to the field where my more athletic friends are fighting in suits of armor for the win on home turf. Around the field is the oh so familiar track that I spent countless hours running on the 400 meter oval with my friends. The game never interested me much so I continued my hunt for the group of friends that I used to belong to. I could normally find them standing somewhere near the picnic tables.

For the most part everyone is the same. My best friend still has his same signature haircut, and very close to the same exact personality and style. We still get along very well and still have our dumb sense of humor. It’s not long however, before we lose things to talk about and we become silent. The whole things become a little awkward and we decide that we need to walk around to find more people.

One of the worst feelings in life, to me, has to be the feeling of being replaced. Last year, I went to a football game, and yet again found my old group of friends. After talking for a while a kid joins us that I have never seen before. He quickly becomes the center of attention. I soon realize that he replaced me. He looks similarly to me, he acts similarly to me, but he had that extra coolness to him that I never had. He was in fact the newer, cooler me. To say the least I was a bit jealous. I mean, that could have been me if I would have stayed for the rest of high school.

I keep imagining what things would be like if I stayed at my old school. I think that I would be one of the “cool” kids by now. I might even be dating that girl that I had a crush on since the first grade. I would definitely be more involved. I would still be running track, doing National Honor Society, and I would have tried to be on the student council. I might have even been nominated for class president. I probably would be more social to. I would hang out with all my friends out of school more, have fun in all our classes that we have together, and I would go to all the games. I definitely would have wanted to attend events like Homecoming and even Prom. Unfortunately however, I’m not in those classes, I’m not in those activities, I’m just not there. I’m not being the person that I always wanted to be.

It’s hard to accept the truth sometimes, maybe that is why I still try to keep those friends that I know I have already lost. Even to this very day I carry around those dumb, useless ticket stubs in my wallet. They keep reminding me of the struggle that I am having to keep the people that I truly care about from my past in my life today, and how it is a losing battle. Even though I try so hard, I still feel like I am that kid that everybody used to know.
Yours Truly,
an old friend