Welcome, welcome, step right up! Watch not one, but millions of caged birds sing! Although they are limited by numbers, nothing can stop them from sharing their stories. Though they may be chirping into an endless and empty void, they do not get discouraged. For good reason I suppose – despite the triviality of their messages, they have followers. People thought that restricting them would force them to be quieter but, as can be seen here, that is not the case! In fact, some may say the caged bird tweets much louder…

Do prefer to participate instead of standing back and watching?

Don’t you worry; we have plenty of other options!

Consider the Tumblr Scroll. Now, you have to be cautious with this activity because it only lasts for a short eternity. This is due to a unique mechanism, loosely based on the idea of a treadmill, which allows the participant to feel as though they have been accomplishing something by scrolling when in fact they have really done nothing! Take part in this innovative technology and enjoy the never-ending options!

For a change of pace why not try a mental challenge instead of a physical one? Funhouse Mirrors have been modified to be used with words! This revamped carnival tradition gives you the opportunity to take what someone says and distort it into something almost unrecognizable. Even better, you have the option of remaining anonymous – once you start spreading vicious rumors and hate, there’s no need to worry about anyone exacting revenge! WARNING: This booth does not guarantee safety from injury that may be caused by the distortions.

Are you getting a little parched? Slightly hungry?

Never fear, feast on The Onion rings, seasoned generously with satire and breaded with irony. For something a bit more substantial, head over to the Buffer Zone. The waiting time can be quite long but the entertainment is worth it: countless cats doing mundane activities and self-proclaimed comedians parodying pop culture. A more sophisticated experience can be found at Instagourment, where the water is carefully filtered, as are the appetizers, entrees, and desserts.

Once you’re filled up, fuel up a go-cart and drive around in pointless circles while tricking yourself into thinking you’re accomplishing something! It will get to the point where the task becomes routine and yet you will carry on. Your hopes for something new to appear in the scenery or the route to change will continually be dashed, lap after lap, until the finish is finally in sight and you can drag yourself out of the monotony.

Need a break from actively participating?

Listen to some advertisements, free of charge, on our radio stations – hand-selected ads, in fact, specifically chosen to suit your tastes. If advertisements aren’t your thing then you can try the Antiques Shop, where they might be selling last week’s top hits. Speaking of shopping, don’t forget to visit the gift shop! You can find almost anything you can imagine there; its depths have been compared to the Amazon. All you have to do is search for what you’re looking for, and you’ll get to it eventually. Beware of getting lost in all the options though; it can be a bit overwhelming for first timers.

You say you’re getting a bit tired? Options are feeling limited and repetitive?

It’s not as if you can just leave; that’s preposterous!

You have so much more time to spend here! What about all the prizes you’ve earned?

You’ve gained enough likes to trade in for some self-esteem!

Or you could trade those comments for a conversation.

Your choices aren’t limited, they’re endless! You can’t leave until you’re about to fall asleep right where you’re sitting. I mean, there’s nothing keeping you here but your own desires, whatever those are.