The 45th United States Presidential election.  Some people like some of the candidates, some, like myself, hate some candidates less than they hate others.  At this point we have 4 choices, and that in itself is being generous, for Hillary and Trump have dominated the Primaries. So here, I’m going to give you my honest opinion of each of the four frontrunners, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Ted Cruz, and Bernie Sanders.

Perhaps the most underwhelming candidate of them all, we have Kevin, from the Office. Oh, my bad, I meant Colin Mochrie. Third time’s the charm! Ted Cruz.  The only candidate who would have to go to supreme court in order to become president. As a native of Canada, and an American citizen, there are hoops to jump through in the candidacy of Ted Cruz. While being the only foreign candidate to ever make it this far, he’s also the chubbiest in this election. His walk deserves a saxophone solo behind him, and for that Ted Cruz, we thank you.

BURNING SANDALS! Sorry, I mean Socialist Jew. For the record, if you say that about anybody except our next candidate, Bernie Sanders, it could easily be construed as extremely offensive. Perhaps the most lovable candidate of 2016, Bernie Sanders’ socialist ideals appeal to the Millenials and the lower class.  You’d think that the young vote (18-30) would be a large factor in the election, particularly in this uber-activist age, but alas they only make up 18% of registered voters, which is actually down from the 22% President Obama had in 2012. Will he win? Probably not. Will he live through the election? No comment.

“It’s a bird! It’s a plane! Its under qualified feminist propaganda lady!” Hillary Clinton. A name I personally would have voted for in 2008, but now, she lacks the drive and ability to run a country. Commonly referred to in the ‘Bernie vs Hillary’ poster memes, Hillary’s campaign has become laughable to the younger generation of voters. She appeals to nobody under the age of 35, and has probably asked more than once what a twitter is. Bottom line, she can barely run a campaign, I can’t see her running a country.

Ah, the radicals. Don’t you just love waking up to the smell of fascism in the morning? No? Is that just me? All kidding aside, Donald J Trump is easily the most hated candidate of 2016.  Now hated he may be, by millenials and social media.  A handful of senseless remarks has led to his dominance over the republican party, nearly guaranteeing him a GOP nomination.  While I don’t want him to become president, it isn’t the WORST thing that could happen to me, being a straight white male under a government like that might be pretty great.

In conclusion, while filling out your Ballot for the 45th presidential election, all you’re doing is picking out the shiniest of two turds. Thank you, and goodnight.