November 9th 2013 2:22 AM- Pain

I think it’s one of the scariest things caring about someone. It makes you feel warm when thoughts of their disposition find their way into your mind, which is often. Yet whenever you think about losing that face, you become vulnerable and anxiety filled. I think that trying to get someone to like you back, is just as hard as making sure they keep liking you. Not knowing is also a hard feeling to describe. When you don’t know what the other person is feeling for you is difficult but what’s even harder is not knowing exactly how you feel about them. Trying to figure out and put into words how one feels about another person is one of the hardest things to attempt, but for some reason it’s almost like the more you try to talk about it and describe it, the more jumbled and confusing everything gets in your brain. The way you feel about someone can change so quickly, that’s why once you develop feelings for someone you’re screwed. It’s almost like a destined failure. You set yourself up for heartbreak or some kind of loss just so you can be selfish for a couple of weeks and enjoy the attention he gives you. Everyone always says well you were fine before they came into your life so you will be fine when they leave. But I don’t think that’s necessarily true. Once someone enters your life it’s not like they can just disappear and not leave something behind on you. I think that when someone you once cared about is gone from your life, they take a piece of whatever it is that keeps you naturally happy. Some kind of light or glow is taken from you and that is why people put up a blockade. They don't want any of their gold taken away, but when they find that one person that makes them happier than any treasure could, they take that block down for a taste of more. That’s when they get to see the real you, you’re vulnerable and you let them inside where they can leave a mark on the most helpless pieces of your soul. It sounds dramatic, cynical, dark, but it’s the most important part of who you are. Your innocence is the one thing you can’t get back, and that’s why we’re so afraid of love because although it can be the best thing to happen to you, it can also be the worst.