Girls. You've got a 50% chance of becoming one when you're born, and an almost certain chance that you'll make the acquaintance of one throughout your lifetime. But females are ever-changing and often confusing creatures, and it may be hard sometimes to truly know one, especially teenage girls, even more specifically white teenage girls (who in my honest opinion are far more perplexing than the former). Well fear no more, because I shall help you, poor, confused reader, to identify this kind of teenage girl from a mile away with three easy pointers! Forget everything that you may have known, because this is what teenage girls are really all about. As a fellow teen girl myself, just know that you can trust me to provide you with completely unbiased, truthful, and helpful advice. I guarantee that after you read this, your whole outlook will change (for the better) and your understanding of white girls will be ten times what it was when you started!

Remember These Colors: Orange, P.I.N.K, and Turquoise

The first letter in "teenage" is "t," and you'd best learn it by heart because it's the first letter of a word we white teenage girls worship by: tan. Yes indeed, these three little letters are the epitome of your white teenaged female, and she wears it with pride. Don't trust what any pale-skinned phonies have to say, if there's not a lovely bronze glow on that body then you may need to get your eyes checked! Color ranges can be anywhere from the lovely "Sunkissed Beauty" to the foxy "I Just Rolled Around in a Bag of Doritos," but as long as there's some form of tint to her skin, you've got yourself the first component of a white teenage girl if you ever did see one. But don't just assume if you see sprayed-on color that it's a white teen girl, either, because what she puts on her body is just as important; you don't want to confuse her with any Oompa-Loompas, after all! Your white teen girl knows of only one type of bottoms in this universe: yoga pants. Seriously, if you were to ask her what jeans were, she'd probably stare at you as if you were a space alien, which to assume there's any other option to the all-wonderful yoga pant, you probably are! She wears these pants direct from Victoria's Secret and/or Lululemon any day every day, tight enough to kill her circulation yet somehow managing to look fabulous. She pairs said pants with either a big, oversized sweatshirt or jacket (read: North Face) or something form-fitting, depending on the occasion, but whether she's trying to emulate the "just got out of bed" look or the "I can't breathe in this" look, the white girl will always-and I do mean always- make sure that gluteus maximus of hers is looking mighty fine. She may even buy 50 pairs of yoga pants that look exactly the same, save slightly different rhinestone sizes or brand font colors, but it's always worth it. But it doesn't stop there. Your white teenage girl loves to accessorize; she slaps a Tiffany and Co. or Pandora bracelet on her wrist and some sort of athletic headband on her head. She grows her nails out long and always has them painted in some bright color or in a French manicure. And to top it all off, the cherry on the white girl fashion sundae, she always has UGGs on her feet, aka "Ugghs." Nothing screams white girl like the skin from dead sheep wrapped around a boot, complete with the $200+ price tag, after all.

Starbucks or Bust

Your teenaged white girl lives in a Starbucks. Yes, you read right, Starbucks. No, she doesn't have a real home; she spends so much time in the infamous coffeeshop that nothing else truly compares! Her days are spent eating, drinking, seeing, hearing, touching, tasting, and smelling Starbucks. She can't be seen in public without her handy dandy super double caramel frappuccino deluxe with a mound of whipped cream and waterfalls of chocolate sauce, safely tucked into a carrying case the size of Kim Kardashian's rear end. These cases are as much of a fashion accessory as anything else she wears. But let's not forget the pumpkin spice lattes, either! The truest of the true will have experienced this heavenly concoction and love it more than their best friends. The only thing that tops this autumn-inspired drink in a white girl's eyes is her iPhone, which is basically her child. She takes it everywhere she goes and changes its case more often than her own clothing. She's always on her phone and stashes it inside one of her UGGs or sticks it between her hip and her yoga pants so that no matter where she is, she can stay up-to-date on every friend request, tweet, snap chat, and/or any other social media musing that she may have. One thing's for sure, every teenage white girl makes use of the three S's: Social (post something new to every social media site she has and text rapid-fire until her thumbs fall off), Selfie (for all the times when the first "S" needs a little oomph with an attractive duck face, or whenever her outfit is just too cute to not be seen), and, of course, the beloved Starbucks. One can never forget the Starbucks. Forgetting Starbucks is like forgetting life itself for a white teenage girl.

The Pop Culture Princess

Most importantly, though, white teenage girls live for the culture of movies, music, and more. She is a lover of television shows that run the gamut from Pretty Little Liars to Keeping up With the Kardashians, and she raves after each new episode for the entire week until the next episode airs. She knows Mean Girls like the back of her hand; she wears pink on Wednesdays and isn't afraid to yell "she doesn't even go here!" at all the most inappropriate times. She has seen and loved the movie Pitch Perfect as well, and will start performing the cup song if you set a plastic red Solo down in front of her. She quotes anything and everything famous and, most importantly, has her own Pinterest and Tumblr to help her find what's worth sharing with her friends, which is typically a lot of things. She has learned the art of twerking from Miley Cyrus and listens to artists that are played every five seconds on the radio, such as Justin Bieber, One Direction, Katy Perry, Rihanna, and others. These are the sights and sounds which surround her every day at any given minute. Call her a fangirl if you must, but it's the truth. It is her knowledge of these very things that makes her who she is as much as everything else. Without this final touch, there simply wouldn't be a fabulous teenage white girl to speak of!

So there you have it, reader, your typical teenaged white girl is a walking orange hidden under a North Face jacket and shapely yoga pants with Starbucks in one hand and an iPhone in the other, adding many a self-absorbed selfie to the internet along with anything else she might encounter with every step of her UGG-clad feet. Yes, teenagers can be strange, and hard to understand, and oftentimes they grow up too quickly for us to really do so. But this in itself is a lesson that all of us can take away from in some form or another- so long as we have a sense of humor to appreciate it.