After eighteen years of my life I have experienced three funerals and I still have yet to cry or show any grief. So I stood there alone, watching everyone cry and morn until I held my father in my arms who cried, a man I have never seen cry, and stared at my grandfather over his shoulder. He was so peaceful. That is how I see everyone who is dead. They do not have frown lines or pain in their eyes; they are relaxed, somewhere else in peace and no longer suffering.

I realized in that moment why I do not mourn those who I have lost. They are all free from their lives that were not completely happy with. No person lives a perfect happy go lucky life. They have burdens that they must carry through until they are dead, they have guilt that burns them every day, and they somehow find the strength every day to open up their eyes and get out of bed to relive a monotonous life that they wish they could change but fail to do so. Death is their peace.

My eyes gravitated to my mother and sister who quietly let tears run down their defined cheekbones. They cried not for my grandfather’s loss, but for the pain that everyone in the room carried. Everyone else in the heavy room did not even cry for the death of my grandfather; they cried for themselves. Five months from now they will still be crying and want to bring remembrance to their lost one because they are too selfish of people. They memorialize their loved one because it makes them feel better, and I do not have to.

To them, they fear death. They fear not being remembered or praised enough or feel sad about their unhappy lives. They want to be remembered for doing something extraordinary and are afraid that they will not full fill this desire. That is what human nature is though in the end. Our goal is to not die. Why though is that our goal? It should be to live at every single moment, make every second count so when we come to the end of the road we are not afraid. In the end we should override human nature and accept reality; we will not have everything that we want in the end. When we do we will welcome the peace.