Words 

Ways to access knowledge 

And Ways To understand

such things are like rewards 

And if you received none you've done something wrong 

I never learned how to use words 

Instead of communicating it was substituted with neglect

And if I tried to speak that little spark was put out

So yes I don’t know how to use words 

And Just the wrong ones can rip you apart 

Just a single syllable and my skin is being torn apart 

My nails deep into flesh 

But it’s not enough to overcome 

The easily spilt words 

And suddenly I'm trying anything 

But simple tears and apologies 

Can’t silence the screaming in my head 

Repeated over and over and over in my brain 

But suddenly they’re laughing 

Why are they laughing 

They made a joke but I can’t laugh 

I feel my stomach drop

The room is spinning filed with their smiles 

Those mocking smiles

Tell them to stop

Why can’t I say simple words 

4 letters one syllable 

Why can’t I say it 

 it’s like my mouth is sewed shut 

And they were the ones with the needle

But I helped them, I didn’t fight back instead I guided them  

Now I'm stuck in a loop 

With a stupid smile 

What words would they say if I told them 

Why does it matter so much 

They love me they don't want to hurt me

But what if they do

What if they don’t love me

And there it goes my head filled with words 

Ones that drive you to the edge 

The edge your trying not fall off  

When you’ve only been told words 

They start to fill 

And when you don’t say anything back 

The bottle keeps filling on the verge of exploding 

Its pressure that you have to keep in else it'll send people running 

So you bottle that bottle so you keep smiling till your cheeks burn 

Till that’s the only expression you know, so u keep your smiled sewed 

If u cut those stitches to speak 

It feels as though you are cutting them

This continuous cycle

First left me numb 

With no words to say 

Cause like a dog I was trained to be quite 

But then this person came along 

With words so sweet like a melody 

Like I’ve never heard before 

All I've heard was words that mashed and grinded 

Like nails on a chalkboard

She said words that made life sweet 

She taught me the word love 

And what it actually meant 

She saw the hideous beings that called themselves my friends 

And taught how to use my words 

She cut those stitches

She listened to me fumble and stutter 

As I tried to tell her my words 

She ignited my flame and fueled it 

She told me to be angry 

Angry about how they stole my voice 

Then Old words that were said flooded my head

By The monsters I once called friends

and an anger I’ve never felt before rises  

My skin burns and my eyes water 

I'm tired of playing pretend 

I'm seething

She taught me to feel 

And now I want to scream 

Scream at those monsters 

I want to make the understand how hurt I am 

I want them to know the pain they've caused

As I stand in front of them 

With disdain and anger I begin to use words 

But suddenly the words I had to say are lost 

my mouth sealed again by those monsters

And what I still believe is their way of love 

And holding back my tears 

With those unspoken words sealed behind my smile