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Stop The Violence MAG
Drugs all over under the ground.
Guns, people crying, putting each otherdown.
People every day do crazy things.
Buying fancy cars and a lot ofrings.
You have nothing to show for yourself.
You're dying on the inside,and you have bad health.
I wonder what the community can do.
I have noidea, not even a clue.
I look in the paper and I see someone dead.
They layon the stretcher like it was a bed.
The mothers stand in silence.
Peopleshould think TO STOP THE VIOLENCE!!!
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This article has 198 comments.
Good Job!
Though there were a couple changes that could be made, the message of this poem is very powerful. When I read it I felt a truthful and sincerety to it.
I congratulate you immensely for getting into the magazine. Don't let haters get you down! You should be really proud:)
Sorry...didn't show that i wrote anything so i worte again
I'd love to hear from you...
Check out my poem "Nightmare or Dream"
maybe you can give me a few heads up on how to get published.
Please keep writing
This is pretty close to awful.
I'm in charge of the literary society at my school and this would go straight into the "NO WAY" pile. The grammar, the cliches.. it appears that very little thought went into the writing of the poem and thus the reader is left grasping for the depth and maturity that the subject of violence necessitates.
You're right, I greatly apologize. I was a bit rude...
My advice would be: as a few others have said, don't force a rhyme. It doesn't make a poem better. However, you did get your message across. I think that if you use a little more powerful words, you could really make this a powerful piece.
Writing can be difficult. Even really great pieces could use some work. Mine, for example, one said that it goes on too long for their liking... my point is I'm not a perfect writer either. No one truly is, there are always ways to improve. No matter how good or okay you are.
Don't give up and I think you'll create a great piece that will blow everyone away. =)
2 articles 0 photos 1 comment
Favorite Quote:
"Hatred is gained as much by good works as by evil." -- Niccolo Machiavelli
Personally, I have a few problems with idealistic philosophies such as this. However, taking into account that most people do not think like I do nor agree with me, here are a couple pointers that I think many people can agree with:
1) Your conventions could be improved. The punctuation and grammar made the poem slightly painful to read.
2) Please work on your spacing. Although it isn't a huge deal, I found that it made me feel like I was just struggling through reading the poem instead of enjoying its meaning.
Other than that, the poem was pretty good. Keep writing. :)