I was wounded by a shoe
As I walked down the street
It left me quite a mark
As I let out a bleat

It took me by surprise
As I fell to the ground
It shocked me to be assaulted
Right in the middle of town

Mind you, this was no small shoe
It had considerable size
The shoe was huge, no gigantic—
It could have been a prize!

So as I crouched on the sidewalk
My head pouring blood
I looked up above me
And down came a spud

To be hurt by shoe and potato
All in just one day
If someone had asked me if I wanted more
For sure, my answer would be “nay”

But no one asked me
They just doled out more
For just shortly after
I was struck by a door

So many objects
Kept falling from above
Coins, staplers, and books
I was even pooped on by a dove

“Mercy,” I screamed,
“No more do I want
Please end my misery
Can I not be any more blunt?”

So, true to my word, the pain ended soon
My life ended in high soprano
As my high-rise assaulters
Dropped on me a grand piano