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Beggar

August 9, 2013
By GreyGirl ELITE, Pohang,Kyungbuk, Other
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GreyGirl ELITE, Pohang,Kyungbuk, Other
170 articles 122 photos 391 comments
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I gave birth for you
(on the street corner)
Pushing out bloody pennies
And silver nickels
(perfectly ripened)
From the womb of my wallet.

You thanked me for my
(“children” you called them)
Generous donation
And we parted ways
(without second thoughts).
Soon you will give birth yourself.

What will you trade my
(“children” you called them)
My pennies and nickels
For I wonder?
(Is it my business?)
Will you be a kind father?

© Valcy E., Stony Point, NY

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This article has 5 comments.

GreyGirl ELITE said...
on Aug. 22 2013 at 8:36 pm
GreyGirl ELITE, Pohang,Kyungbuk, Other
170 articles 122 photos 391 comments
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thanks as always targon :)
TargonTheDragon GOLD said...
on Aug. 19 2013 at 10:55 am
TargonTheDragon GOLD, Ofallon, Missouri
15 articles 16 photos 292 comments

Favorite Quote:
First dentistry was painless.<br /> Then bicycles were chainless,<br /> Carriages were horseless,<br /> And many laws enforceless.<br /> <br /> Next cookery was fireless,<br /> Telegraphy was wireless,<br /> Cigars were nicotineless,<br /> And coffee caffeineless.<br /> <br /> Soon oranges were seedless,<br /> The putting green was weedless,<br /> The college boy was hatless,<br /> The proper diet fatless.<br /> <br /> New motor roads are dustless,<br /> The latest steel is rustless,<br /> Our tennis courts are sodless,<br /> Our new religion &mdash; godless.

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yup this one is good. i like it:P
Helena_Noel BRONZE said...
on Aug. 18 2013 at 9:20 am
Helena_Noel BRONZE, Burnt Hills, New York
1 article 0 photos 629 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;I&#039;d rather see a sermon than hear one any day; I&#039;d rather one should walk with me than merely tell the way: The eye&#039;s a better pupil and more willing than the ear, fine counsel is confusing, but example&#039;s always clear.&rdquo; -Edgar Guest

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Hmm. Taking a second look, i think only the second my should have been moved. Its because down here the line *below* the parentisis starts with my, so its almost like "what will you trade my () my pennies and nickles for I wonder.?" It has two mys. Sorry! But no, i actually enjoyed this one immensly. I havent read very many of your works yet, but most of the ones ive read so far are haikus. I love haikus, but they really only have room for one thought, one idea. I like longer poems most often, even when they do only have one idea, they are capable of making that idea very, very deep. Or interesting, or humourously complex. I like this one, and gave it five stars. Odd as it is, i think it put something back into context. Often poetry depicting th bhomeless shows them as wither untrustworthy or piteous. But even though there is a *small* smattering ot that there, most of what I got outta this was the homless person's desperation, and their graditude.
GreyGirl ELITE said...
on Aug. 17 2013 at 11:42 pm
GreyGirl ELITE, Pohang,Kyungbuk, Other
170 articles 122 photos 391 comments
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Thanks for your insights into my poem. I agree it isn't one of my best. Also, you're right about the "mys"
Helena_Noel BRONZE said...
on Aug. 17 2013 at 10:07 pm
Helena_Noel BRONZE, Burnt Hills, New York
1 article 0 photos 629 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;I&#039;d rather see a sermon than hear one any day; I&#039;d rather one should walk with me than merely tell the way: The eye&#039;s a better pupil and more willing than the ear, fine counsel is confusing, but example&#039;s always clear.&rdquo; -Edgar Guest

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In both cases, I might have moved "my" down a line, and had it start off the line inside the parentisies. But this is awesome. I love this thought! It interesting, and a little demented. I dont know, i think it kind of reminds of smeagols mad love for his "precious", but its an off kilter graditude instead of off kilter greed. I Liked the second and the last stanzas alot, but the last one was best. Great work!