I wanted to rip and tear something soft and expensive
Stomp around, bang on the walls and scream
Eat ice cream and cookies until I can’t anymore
Then go for a ten mile run in the rain

I thought of throwing up into the sink
Or breaking the soft skin on my arms with a blade
And painting a canvas of all violent red and black
Then shredding it up and throwing it away

I was trapped in my skin, in myself
Like trying to escape water in the ocean’s typhoon
I would turn myself inside out, escape through my pores
You won’t understand it until it happens to you

I wanted to run all the jitters out of my body
Swallow an ice cube to quench my insides
Let my emotions run down my fingers and into a piano
And let everyone I know rejoice to the noise

I thought of writing a play and a novel
And sending out annunciation letters to all my friends
Decorating my house with confetti and purple balloons
And inventing a dance of twirls and impossible bends

I was filled up with gold sunlight
Behind the creases in my smile I could tell it shone through
They say it; I didn’t believe it
You won’t understand until it’s happened to you