My mind is burning with the question

Why am I here,Why cant I leave?

I feel no movement or progression

As I'm longing to be free

All the people that I've lost

Who somehow to me were dear

They will never know the cost

Of how much I need them here

I often wonder throught the night

Why God chose to place me here

Crippled by remorse and fright

As I'm crying silent tears

Everything was going well

'til these thoughts entered my head

Saying I should end myself

And it was my fault instead

But alas my eyes are dry

I grit my teeth so I dont cry

Fear is what first closed my eyes

What you see is a disguise 

22 years have gone so fast

I cant recover whats in the past

Memories that I keep guarded

Which has left me heavy hearted

But now I know that I'm not worthless

For God has shown me divine purpose