It's hard

to explain

how much pain I feel

on any given day

to put a number to it

I could say a million

it would be wrong

I could say a billion

it would be wrong

I could say infinity

it would be wrong

the point is

I'm in a lot of pain

I'm always

hungry

because I can't

eat

I'm always full

because I can't

stop eating

and somewhere in the middle

I get

lost

because I can't decide to

eat

or not to

eat

because it's so hard

and it hurts

my wispy frame

gets fuller

and I want to

die

my stretched figure

becomes small and frail

as I waste away

going back and forth

from hatred

to loathing

and back again.

The light rises

in the east

and sets before it reaches

my face

I want to see

the entire world

beneath my feet

but before I can do that

I have to quell the pain

and stop hurting

but I can't

I don't know how

to stop

hurting.