September 9th 2002

i was born. i am your daughter. i am supposed to be your whole world. 

at least that’s what i like to think. 

i’m 4years old now

i just started preschool.

i really wish you’d spend more time with me but 

instead your constantly busy with your friends.

and sometimes i never see you at all. 

are you coming home? 

“you’ll understand when your older , sam” 

you were supposed to be the one to teach me how to ride a bike for the first time. 

you were supposed to be the one to let me stay up late and eat ice cream.

but instead you never really bothered.

i’m 8 years old now

i just started elementary school 

your more busy than before. 

you come home later and later than normal 

but never forget to ask me about my day.

“you’re a b**** just like your mother”

i’m almost 9 years old now.

you had an accident and fell. 

i really hope your okay.

i haven’t seen you in weeks and i really miss you.

i’m 10 years old now 

i’m at the end of 4th grade.

and your always home now. 

what happened to your friends? 

i’m 12 years old now

i’m in middle school now.

you were supposed to be the one to give me advice on boys and girls.

but you always told me to wait until i’m older so i’ll understand better.

“you’re a b**** just like your mother” 

i’m 14 years old now 

i’m starting high school now.

i just experienced my first heart break.

i’d tell you but you’d never understand and besides 

you were always busy.

all you and mom ever do is fight anymore. 

is everything okay? 

“when your older you’ll understand , sam” 

i’m 15 years old now.

i’m a freshman now.

my life is going downhill but 

you never seemed to notice.

you aren’t around anymore

and mom doesn’t talk to me.

are you guys okay?

“you’ll understand when older, sam” 

i’m almost 15 years old still.

i’m going to be a sophomore. 

my mom is in an out of the house and 

the fighting got worse.

“sam it’s time you understand 

that your mom is a w***e” 

“sam is time you understand your 

father is a piece of s***” 

you kicked my mom out today. 

you told me she was a horrible person and that she was going to abandon me and my brother anyways. 

is she ever allowed back home? 

i miss her. 

“you’ll understand when your older, sam” 

it’s been two weeks now. my mom made 

me promise to tell her if you began to be mean.

you made so many changes to our house. 

i really like them.

especially what you did outside.

the police are here. 

are you leaving us too? 

it took you 15 years to finally tell me you loved me. 

i was supposed to be your whole world. 

“you’ll understand when your older, sam” 

i’m 16 years old now. 

i’m a sophomore in high school.

only two more years left.

you aren’t in my life anymore but 

you still haven’t found time to 

remember my birthday. 

you aren’t in my life anymore but

you still always make me feel like s***.

you aren’t in my life anymore but

you still keep your life a secret from me. 

“you’ll understand when your older, sam” 

it took me 14 years to realize 

you’ll never be the man you 

always promised to be.