Well, you just got screwed over in this situation didn’t you? Despite knowing that you didn’t want to be more than friends, I still went and told you how much you actually meant to me. Now, I can’t tell whether you felt obligated to ask me to be yours, or if you actually wanted me to be all yours. I’m sorry that you got sucked into my tornado of feelings, I actually feel bad for you. I got attached and that’s not your fault, I really don’t even know what to say…

I got so afraid of losing you thats its possible I pushed you away, which come to think of it, happens to everyone I interact with, its like I’m a parasite and I suck every ounce of appreciation a person has for me until they are sucked dry, left without a bit of want or need for me.

It makes me sick to think that I could lose the one thing who brought me back from the depths of wherever I ended up. At the same time though, I am just a person to you, not some savior, you don’t have this...need...for me, you don’t fear what will you’ll become once I leave, you don’t rethink every action, every text, every sentence out of fear that it won’t be the right thing to say and cause me to leave. To you, I am a person, but to me, you a like a God. You did what I couldn’t, and I thought I was invincible when it came to the darkness that has its grips on me, even when I’m with you.

I know this all sounds so stupid...so damn stupid. We haven’t known each other for long, but I swear you know me in ways I don’t. I don’t think I have ever wanted someone more, needed someone more that I need you...dammit, there I go again, s**t. What the hell am I even doing?

I’m not old enough to fall for someone this way, love when you are a teenager is a joke right? You’re parents will tell you that you’re too young to be in love, and it’s just your hormones and blah blah.Teachers tell you its not even a friggin’ thing and shouldn’t be displayed at school, so why do I feel like I don’t know what to do when we aren’t talking? I talked with you for a day, just us talking about us, and for once, I had confidence. I walked into a store and didn’t hide from the hundreds of eyes that looked my way, I stood tall and let them stare, cause for some reason it didn’t matter. What am I even saying? Who am I to sit here and tell you that I love you, and I don’t know what I’d do without you? Especially when I made it here without you in the first place?

So many things are telling me to quit before it gets bad, but...what if you are worth the pain? What if you are worth all the anxiety and...just chaos I go through when you are away? What if...what if you aren’t? What if I just get hurt and end up worse than before? What if you are the last straw and I don’t come back? Are you worth risking everything, and I mean everything over? Is it worth dying all over again if you leave? Just for the memories of you? The thoughts? The...fact that for however short, you were here and you were mine? Or I am just wanting so desperately not to feel alone that it doesn’t matter and I’ll take whatever happens next?

The worst part? I could be wrong about all of this, and you really do want me, you really do need me...and I’ve just been broken so many times and for so long, I can’t see it.

Why can’t I get you out of my head? Why are you everywhere? Why..why did I have to suck you into the tornado of feelings?