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Hmm...where do I even begin
Do I begin where my mother silenced and ridiculed me to protect “her man”
The man who hurt me! Abused me! Stole from Me!
Naw..how about I start where I was told to shut up or he was gonna tell mama on me
Forced to be quiet cause I was too innocent and afraid to realize it wasn't my fault
Manipulated and fooled at only six years old, truth be told.
Crazy how it was men I trusted, who were considered my family, who I said “I love you” to
Thought that if I kept the secret it would lower my mama’s worries, knowing what she been through
I remember one night when I was laying on the bottom bunk watching SpongeBob on the big box TV when he walked in and decided he wanted to take the innocence from me
He rubbed and gripped..and then things escalated.
And while I meditated on the idea of this being the father-figure I chose.
I felt guilty.
“Whisper, don't yell, “ says my mother herself
I do fear my past but I'm not afraid to admit it...why?
Cause it showed me how long love last and who was actually committed
And yes, I do struggle with the pain and the tears and the hurt
Only because I know it will never be the same
That fool had me questioning my worth!
I want to stand tall..no..I'm going to stand tall, be bold and yell loud.
Tell my story, the untold, how my purity was ripped out.
It sucks. It does. Cause now I'm forced to just sit up and wonder if he even thinks about the naive girl he slaughtered or if I was just another “little thang” he conquered
My past is already shown through my maturity
Even though I still wake up and fight the battle of insecurity
I understand this may be uncomfortable for some
Even though uncomfortable is an understatement
And I'm not doing this for no entertainment!
I'm doing this to show my worth..since I was birthed on this earth!
And I'm proud to be called Aaliyah, why?
Because it means blessing
And that's exactly what I'm going to be for those who might so hear me.
I feel like I'm stuck in an endless game of guessing
But one day I will be set free.
Even though I continue to go through the series of questions that I know won't get answered immediately.
I don't get it,
I don't understand,
At such a young age?
Was it me?
Did I turn him on?
Did I lock myself in that cage?
NO! I was subjected to it.
But I will unlock the lock cause god knows I hate being stuck between a hard place and a rock
And you know what?
I will not be silenced!
Don't you ever whisper!
That's how the truth will be stated
Because the 21st century shall now know that “shut up” is overrated