To The Girl Looking Back At Me

I hate you

I hate your voice

The nasal tones you twist to a low requiem

I hate your smile

Cause it’s always awkward and stiff

I hate your body

Since it seems to curve out at your stomach and twist in at your hips

I hate your clothes and your hair and your glasses

And your skin and your height and your laugh

But I haven’t always hated you

I might have even loved you

A long time ago when life was easy

Loving was easy

And beauty didn’t have a weight limit or a price tag

Appeal was a boundless silhouette

Mirrors showing nothing but charm

Like the unconditional admiration from mother to daughter

Cherishing you like a father does his first-born son

Guess that makes you Issac

But no one stopped Abraham

I gaze, petrified into the looking glass

Silently watching you throw yourself upon the altar

Watch you tear yourself to shreds

Every rage another rip

Every slight slice

All of a sudden the alluring mirror shatters

And the shards become someone I’ve never known

Transforming you into a mere funhouse replication

Filling your sleep with nightmares and your days with sleep

Filling your stomach with sugar and your throat with fingers

Filling your time with acid, at least they’re that toxic

And filling your mind with thoughts

You’re gonna be nothing

Do you even want to be something?

I mean look at you

You think people want to see that face

Face it, you’ll never be anything now

We’ll never be anything

I’ll never be anything

Not an artist or an actor or an architect

Not a lover cause I’ve always been a fighter

But can’t I fight for love, for you

I loved you once, why can’t I again?

Get lost in muddied green pools again

As I stare into your eyes again

Notice your confidence as sparks fly again

Fireworks highlighting the waves of your figure

I’m losing myself in your ocean

Your freckles creating constellations in the sky

You’re such a beautiful sight

Shards of glass put back together

Reflective pieces of myself making a dazzling mosaic

And I think

As I stare into puzzle pieces fit together to make our portrait

I love you