I trusted you.

You and your words that turned my head into a garden of sweet flowers

Your laugh, warm like summer rain

Your lips of honey and cinnamon

Your hands that would float across bass strings, bringing sunrise to dark notes.

I swear there was a halo on your head and wings spreading from your back.

You were my reason, my beacon of hope that I’d been seeking.

And those damn kisses you would plant like tulips on my lips

But only when no one was watching.

The hoodies you would silently leave in my Dad’s car

So I could hold them at night and keep everything out of my head except the thought of you.

The car rides between your house and the studio where you would bloom love songs into my ears

And let me lay on you so I could sleep.

You were my Prince Charming, always to the rescue of a princess treated so cruel.

My head was full of vines and thorns that you would cut through to save me.

No one else did that.

I trusted you.

But then the flowers wilted

And your laugh became a stone tomb

Your hands turned shaky and rough because you were too tough to love someone who wasn’t enough for you.

Your breath became flames and your words became bombs

And when they would land I would explode

Leaving a ghost of the girl you wrote songs about

But I’m just a stupid girl with stupid problems, right?

That’s what you said, the night of that party.

The night where we sang so loud in your basement that every other sound in our heads couldn’t compete

The night where you made me coffee at 2am because I was drifting off in your arms.

The night where we stayed up until everyone else fell asleep so we could listen to that new album alone

The night where you cried around me for the first time

When you felt helpless because life was moving too fast and leaving you behind

And when I tried to help, tried to relate, you screamed at me

The sound was louder than the time we stood front row at that concert on my birthday.

Our friends heard and they were scared you were going to literally kill me.

So they ran in and stood in front of me, making sure you couldn’t hurt me.

Your mind was filled with bullets

Your tongue a gun, firing straight at my chest.

Your words were the ringing in my ears as the shots were fired.

“You’re just a stupid girl with stupid fucking problems”

Well, I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for my stupid problems that could never compare.

I’m sorry your Dad was never around

I’m sorry that your Mom is a drug addict and your brother is in prison

I’m sorry that you left everything in Florida because you couldn’t handle their bullshit.

I’m sorry that you’re sick.

But, I’m really sorry that my problems aren’t good enough for you.

I’m sorry that my parents substituted money for love

I’m sorry that my brother was stuck in a mental war, a war he was losing.

I’m sorry that I had to leave my entire life behind in New York because of his bullshit.

I’m sorry that I got bullied so bad I had to get homeschooled. All because some guy couldn’t keep his hands to himself at a football game.

I’m sorry that my innocence was stolen from me.

I’m sorry that I became the f**ked up girl who didn’t deserve this f**ked up world she’s living in.

I’m sorry.

That night, you trapped me in.

You became Hades and I was your Persephone.

Dragging me into your destruction.

I had no choice but to stay because if I left, you wouldn’t rest until I was your obedient guest once again.

You craved control as a child craves sweets

You craved love although your heart was caged.

You craved me as you craved cold rain because it made your pain disappear so you could feign being sane in this shameful game that you play

You know what?

Maybe I am a stupid girl with stupid f**king problems

But I trusted you

And now all you are is one of them.