Everything I Wanted To Say To You | Teen Ink

Everything I Wanted To Say To You

February 19, 2022
By Reesee GOLD, Cicero, New York
Reesee GOLD, Cicero, New York
14 articles 3 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Love and Hate are two sides of the same coin."

Touch me not

Love me not

Drop the flower

Because I don't want

To be your pawn

I am not just a beautiful pawn


I am more than my appearance

Are you dumb or just delirious?

I don't care abouse your excuses

Sexually assaulted because I'm seen as


Somebody who won't fight back

Simply used as a doormat

I have swallowed so many knives

But I'll cough one up tonight


I was told I had to act a certain way

Had to be restrained

That falling in love would just cause bruises

Wish I just believed them without making choices


But I am a product of the things I experience

The abuse, neglect and mistakes

Are written on a bulletted list


And your thorns prickle my skin

If I was born to fit in 

Then why are there rules?

I am not something to be controlled

Like a puppet on your thread

I have a voice

And I can make my own choice

Even if it's bad


And you can tell me it's bad but I won't listen

I won't believe you until I deal with it

Like how I put my hand on the stove

Because I believed it wouldn't burn me

But it burns and it hurts

And now I know not to touch

But hearing it and dealing with it

Is something that we want


I'm also sick and tired of having to be told

How big and small and wide and skinny

My body should be

If I look in the mirror and I'm okay with what I see

I'm okay with what I see

And I'm okay with me

If I look at myself and think I'm beautiful

Don't tear me at my seams


I am delicate but I'm also strong

I will tell you if I think somehtings wrong


Because I trust people who shouldn't be trusted

Loved people who I shouldn't have lusted

And forgotten people who shouldn't be forgotten

So shattered and broken


I am a bountiful feast

One you cannot eat

I will no longer let you touch me


You are psycotic

You are the one who's weak

Because being held in place

Being told what I can wear, can't wear

What I can say, can't say

Telling me you'll punish me while you have me by the throat

Trying to get me to obey like I'm your pet

That is something I will never forget


And I cannot forgive you

And I always forgive

But you put me through hell

And your going in the basement


I never knew fear like I did the day

I heard you pulled a knife on two kids

Two girls who went to our school

I'm so f*cking mad I even trusted you!


I blamed myself because I should've known

Should've seen the signs

I even told my dad about you

And he thought you were alright


But then he heard what you did

When I was in shock from hearing about this

And you're all buddy-buddy with the men in blue

So all you got was a talking to


And one day Karma is gonna grab your *ss

And hurl you off the planet

And you won't see it coming

You're gonna flinch

I will watch, because you shredded my confidence


Oh and I know you're probably hurt

Think you've seen the worst

And I get it, you were out in an orphanage

As a f*cking baby, you dont even remember it


You got adopted into a loving family

A stable household

Damn how could you let this

Happen to you?

What happened to you?


I thought I knew you

Thought I could love you

But damn you didn't

You always thought you knew better

Pushed me aside and headed into the bad weather


Yeah you were brewing a whole storm in your head

And two months before I almost attempted

And the fact that you would assault and abuse me

After all the sh*t I went through,

Did you listen to anything?


And damn, this is why I don't f*ck with men anymore

Women always treated me like they should

But you guys just treat me so bad

And I no longer trust that


Because I don't have to go through your sh*t

I'm healing and growing

I don't need it


I have a therapist

I have a good home

And I'm taking care of myself


Everyday isn't easy

And there are some that try and defeat me

But f*ck bro, I won't let you win

I am going to prosper

And losing me hurts


Yeah, you admitted it

Told me you'd pay to have me back

But this sh*t will never be worth your cash


You lied and made excuses

I am not amused by it

So goodbye to past-naive-me

Goodbye to the person you tried to mold me

Goodbye to the the abuse and control you had

Goodbye K-Ron

I thought you knew better than that

The author's comments:

This was the result of an abusive relationship. He wasn't someone I though would hurt me. He seemed so perfect at first, then two weeks after it was official, he  controlled every aspect of my life. Shamed me and choked me when I wouldn't obey. Be careful and know the person your with because going through anything like this is scary.

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