Things went downhill 
so, I'm back  
here, enclosed  
in this white  
room  
Again. 
 
An empty 
space of white  
locked inside myself 
with a black 
door ahead of me 
I’m drawn to that door, 
though I know I can't be lured 
because it’s despair 
that lies behind the exit 
I know. 
 
I’ve tried to run and escape, 
from this prison 
in myself, 
But each time new terrors 
await me, outside 
that door. 
 
This is not heaven, not hell 
This is the place I run back  
to like a coward, to hide 
even though it isn’t much better 
than going beyond the door 
The stifling air suffocates  
me, my surroundings noiseless 
and dead 
 
The silence so silent 
that my ears ring  
with excruciating pain. 
 
Even so, 
fear drives me back 
into the shell of my prison 
to wait so when my self 
permits me to leave,  
despair won’t put a chain   
on me, won’t control  
my life inside my consciousness 
where fear is my jailor 
 
I’m incarcerated  
within my shell  
of self-protection, 
Yet my inner self longs to be free. 
There is a battle within me,  
between freedom and fear 
A never-ending cycle 
of hope 
And despair 
 
I’m not ready to face the world  
That beckons beyond that door. 
When will my outer self let me go free? 
It could take years, but I'll still wait for a 
 
Beginning after the end.