I spend my time longing for the past,

Thinking about a time that didn't feel so heavy. 

I feel the warmth of the sun

Exploring every inch of my body. 

I smell the tulips

That my mom planted in the spring. 

I see my childhood dog, Maddie,

Chasing the bees.

I hear my crazy childhood friends laughing

As they jump into my pool over and over again. 

I feel so peaceful that for a moment,

I almost forget it’s just my imagination. 

It all comes to a stop

When my current day worries creep into the scene.

Will I ever feel that way again?

How many years until my mom can’t plant flowers anymore?

How long will my dog be with us?

Why don’t my friends come around anymore?

I think until my thoughts

Put me to sleep.

In the morning the sunlight creeps into my window and floods my room with brightness,

But that doesn’t make it any easier to get up. 

I allow myself to lie there for five more minutes. 

As if that will help. 

6:00

Five more minutes. I feel so peaceful. 

6:01

Four more minutes. I could almost fall back asleep. 

6:02

Three more minutes. It’s okay, I still have time. 

6:03

Two more minutes. I don’t feel so good. 

6:04

Only one more minute. I can’t take my eyes off the clock. 

6:05

My stomach sinks. Times up.

I force myself out of my bed

And I walk downstairs. 

As I put on my makeup and curl my hair

I keep looking at the clock. 

The time is creeping up on me

As if my house is haunted. 

Once it hits 7:10 am,

It’s time to go. 

As I walk into school

I feel transparent. 

Everyone can see right through me.

Even I can see right through me. 

A million questions crawl through my mind

Like an annoying little spider. 

Are those people looking at me? No, maybe they’re looking at the person behind me. 

Are they talking about me? They must be laughing about the outfit I’m wearing. 

Do I look stupid today? I tried something new with my hair… It must look bad. 

Is this all in my head? Probably, why would they care about me?

These thoughts linger

Like the smell of a strong perfume.

That's what anxiety does.