Over the years

I’ve been in and out of hospitals a lot

Good news is that they know what’s wrong

Bad news is they don’t know the cause

The IV prickles your skin

Cold smothers you

Mom’s pacing

With that heart throbbing look in her eyes

She’s trying to be strong

But she’s having hard time

There’s worry in her eyes

Because after all when your daughter has a sudden pain in her side

You want to alieve it

Everything in your body wants to fight it

For me

Because after all this isn’t what’s supposed to happen when you’re sixteen

You’re supposed to be dancing not looking into an oasis

Squeezing your side trying to take the

Crying for every burst of pain

It splits like a knife, going in throbbing one at a time

trying to take my breath away

I’m sitting there under swarthy cloth

Trying to be brave

It’s ok mom

Normal is overrated anyway

A fighter is better any day

Dad’s got that look on his face

He’s overwhelmed

Scared

Frustrated

It’s ok dad

I’m not something you can fix

I’m glad I’m not made of lugnuts and screws anyway

A polar bear sits on me putting his full weight into my side

Tears sting my eyes

The IV is put in

A bee comes to my arm and zaps it

Dad puts on Halloween Baking competition

Trying to calm me

Until they’re ready to take X-rays

They roll me through the hallway

Imagining snow drops

Sticking to my coat as I brace myself laughing

A squackning, high sound

For the bottom of the hill

I’m brought back to reality

By the stop of the bed

I get up for them

A tree is winding it’s branches along my back

I sit down

Ready to go through the machine

At one point my parents could only sell me on by telling me it was a donut

I yearn for the creamy, sweet, warm frosting

Instead of this overwhelming metallic taste

Smells a little like cleaning day

Sun attacks me

Choking down my throat

I start gasping

Then it goes away

Wheeling back to the room

The polar bear is sitting a little lighter

Easing off of me

It’s probably a cyst

I ask why

It’s not my fault

It just happens

Oh that’s comforting

Everything is ok

Even if polar bear might not have fully gone away

everything is ok