Hurting Me, Effortlessly | Teen Ink

Hurting Me, Effortlessly

April 3, 2010
By Just.A.Dream SILVER, Lake Geneva, Wisconsin
Just.A.Dream SILVER, Lake Geneva, Wisconsin
7 articles 0 photos 430 comments

Favorite Quote:
Part of the J7X team. :)

Holding in these tears
That have been hiding in my emotionless eyes
Trying to heal from the agony
That has been caused by your thoughtless lies.

Nothing I seem to do
Is enough for you anymore
Every time I try to please you
I'm left off even worse than I was before.

Can anyone see through this fake disguise?
Does anyone even know why I'm this way?
All these horrid memories
Leave me acting the way I do today.

Everything ends in disaster as far as I know
There has been no happy endings that I've had
Every single time I thought it would
A dagger is pushed into my soul a tad.

I should have known better and protected myself
Kept myself from the hurt I have endured
I have wished that one day I'd wake up from this dream
That's what I would have preferred.

Please, O Lord, help me be a better person
More protective of letting out my deep secrets
Being real or pretending, either one
Will never keep me from being hurt.

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This article has 20 comments.

on Sep. 19 2010 at 4:44 pm
SamiLynn PLATINUM, Anthem, Arizona
20 articles 9 photos 137 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The unexamined life is not worth living." ~Socrates

Wow, I felt like this exactly the other day! Really well written, I like your rhythm in all your poems :)

on Aug. 8 2010 at 7:10 am
Still_Waters26 SILVER, Ladysmith, Wisconsin
6 articles 0 photos 88 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We few, we happy few/we band of brothers/For he to-day that sheds his blood with me/Shall be my brother"
-Shakespeare, "Henry V"

Really sad poem, but well-written.  Well done.

on Aug. 3 2010 at 10:42 pm
CASTROLmatt GOLD, Coolidge, Arizona
14 articles 11 photos 59 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Sometimes you have to take life less seriously to get where you want to be."

Wow. This is the best one yet. I really liked it & I could kind of relate to it as well. I really like how you put yourself out there, it's a great quality in a writer.

on Jul. 16 2010 at 11:43 pm
LoveMeIfYouDare BRONZE, Lafayette, Louisiana
1 article 0 photos 45 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I have many injuries. It is better not to talk about them." ~ Natalia Ma

wonderfully heartfelt!keep it up!

on Jul. 15 2010 at 8:00 pm
beautiful_but_torn GOLD, West Jefferson, North Carolina
18 articles 2 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
It's all make believe, isn't it?
Marilyn Monroe

This was absolutly beautiful!

I adored it!

I've felt this exact same way before, Your an amazing writer. Please keep going!

on Jul. 15 2010 at 11:07 am
RedvinesWTHCantTheyDo GOLD, Zephyrhills, Florida
10 articles 0 photos 154 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You make one more comment like that I will wrap you in a tortilla shell and eat you as a snack, maybe with some nice pico de gillo."~ Lauren Lopez in Starship
"If you don't die for something, I'll kill you for nothing."~ Lauren Lopez in Starship

Your poetry is so easily relateable for me. Its written so well and so full of emotion. This was just, it was like you were inside my head lol. Great job once again.

on Jul. 3 2010 at 6:14 am
hello.beautiful PLATINUM, New York, New York
35 articles 29 photos 67 comments

Favorite Quote:
Look at the nations and watch— and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told. -Habakkuk 1:5

You are a very talented writer.
I love the last stanza of this piece, amazing. Keep it up :)

on Jun. 22 2010 at 4:34 pm
Midnight_Hum SILVER, Hearne, Texas
5 articles 0 photos 48 comments

Very good.  Excellent.  I wish you had been this poetically descriptive in your other story.

I especially like the line, "A dagger is pushed into my soul a tad."

Very good.

on May. 18 2010 at 8:32 pm
UnderstandMEClearlyNOW PLATINUM, Fayetteville, North Carolina
23 articles 14 photos 44 comments

Favorite Quote:
Imperfection is beauty; Madness is genius. It is better to be absolutely ridiculous then totally boring~~Marlin Monroe

loved it!!!!!!

KokoCat SILVER said...
on May. 16 2010 at 1:03 am
KokoCat SILVER, San Bruno, California
5 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Dance as if no one were watching. Sing as if no one were listening. And live every day as if it were your last"
-an Irish Proverb

An amazing poem, the idea and flow are very nice. My only doubt is that in the last stanza you bring religion into this poem. Religion is not only a very controversial subject, but you are asking for help to be a better person? It doesn't exactly match the rest of the poem. Being able to protect yourself doesn't necessarily make you a better person. At least, that is my religious view. GREAT POEM AS-IS! Happy Writing!

on May. 15 2010 at 6:51 pm
RickaTicka BRONZE, Manchester, Connecticut
1 article 0 photos 1 comment
I definitely like the way it flows, and the rhyme scheme. It's not a Dr. seuss kinda rhyme, but it still added to the poem. I just feel that it is a bit general. Maybe you intended for it to be, so that it could be more relatable. But it would have been nice to know more about your experience specifically. For instance, "I'm left off even worse than before". How were you left off worse than before? How were you hurt?

on May. 15 2010 at 6:06 pm
SwordGirl SILVER, Apex, North Carolina
8 articles 0 photos 68 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life."

-- Winston Chuchill

This is a really good poem! What made it work for me was the consistent rhyming. I also liked the generalness (or some word that has the same meaning but actually exists) of it. The message could apply to a wide range of relationships, and this made it more relateable.

on May. 15 2010 at 10:27 am
Wow we have like the same style in wrtiting poetry haha! I liked this especially because it uses so many different rhyme schemes.  The false rhyme with disguise/memories in the 3rd stanza was pretty cool. also the fact that pretty much anyone who's ever been in a relationship can relate to this haha. only one thing that kinda looked outta place was "O Lord" instead of "Oh Lord," or Oh God. saying just "O" reminds me of puritains and really old style writing that doesn't go with the rest of the modern style nd tone. but great job overall!!!!

on May. 15 2010 at 9:14 am
.Escape.From.This.Afterlife. GOLD, Short Hills, New Jersey
10 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
"bad blood is more satisfying to spill across the floor..."

I really liked this, it's very emotional and very powerful.  Excellent work!

on May. 14 2010 at 5:14 pm
-MidnightAngel- GOLD, A Field Of Paper Flowers, California
11 articles 47 photos 110 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I believe in everything until it's disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it's in your mind. Who's to say that dreams and nightmares aren't as real as the here and now?"

I absulootly love this! Emotions just sepe from it and it flows together perfectly. This is going on my favorits:) Great job!

on May. 14 2010 at 5:06 pm
HeatherBee BRONZE, I Live In, Texas
1 article 0 photos 1979 comments

Favorite Quote:
Go on and try to tear me down. I will be rising from the ground, like a skyscraper

Love is louder than the pressure to be perfect

cooool, i can sense that this really came from the heart, i see emotion in this. great work!!

on May. 4 2010 at 11:33 pm
AllYourBase BRONZE, Austin, Texas
3 articles 0 photos 15 comments

I love this poem. The first line captures my attention straight away, and I'm right there until the end of the poem.

The third line of the fourth stanza is confuzing; maybe use some more words to clarify what you "would"?

I do like how the last line is unrhyming. It leaves a deep, echoing effect, even if it doesn't follow the pattern of the rest of the poem. Nicely done!!! =D

SandyC SILVER said...
on May. 2 2010 at 9:59 pm
SandyC SILVER, Concord, Other
5 articles 0 photos 78 comments

Favorite Quote:
"In the end it won't matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away"

AMAZING i absolutely loved flowed well, and yu really did a great job of portraying your story and emotions...wuld yu mind reading my story(William's Dream Part 1) and giving me some feedback..i would  to love yur opinion on it

on May. 2 2010 at 8:57 am
--LoveHappens--, Fairfield, Connecticut
0 articles 0 photos 342 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A friend is someone who knows you, but loves you anyway"

great just I love the message of it and it flows smoothly. great job please take a look at some of my work and leave a comment on The Pretty One thanks so much

on Apr. 30 2010 at 7:38 pm
ohxXxEkkoxXx GOLD, Sanatoga, Pennsylvania
15 articles 1 photo 20 comments
I really like this, it flows well and it makes sense, I really like it, please read some of my stuff I think, based on this, you'll like it