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Death
May 5, 2010
Frosty arms close round your chest.
As eyes close, you finish your quest.
Darkness closes around your eye
Your breath escapes, a cold death sigh
A roaring river, the final test
To separate the kindness from the evil nest
The splashing waters of kindly and trust
The place where the dead will never turn to dust
© Becky S., Stony Brook, NY
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This article has 8 comments.
AvengedJasonFold said...
on Jun. 30 2010 at 9:41 pm
That was pretty awesome. I wish it was longer lol
sleeplessdreamer PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 30 2010 at 1:01 pm
This good. But something about the flow is a little bit choppy. BUT I am OBSESSED with imagery and metaphors, and you displayed them beautifully. (Don't change this into a short story by the way like someone suggested. It's better as a poem.) Work on the flow and this will be AMAZING! And if you could check out my work sometime that would be great!
deka9 said...
on Jun. 30 2010 at 10:28 am
This is great! I love how you make death sounds so peaceful and carefree, hahaha. I also like your allusion of the river in the Greek mythology. When I read that, the picture of the river and the boat came to my mind clearly, hahaha. Good job, keep up the good works.
Authorgal98 GOLD said...
on Jun. 27 2010 at 6:26 pm
Oh, yeah! And i loved the imagrary, too ^.^
mmmm i like this...hahaha im usually not a poetry reader and i think differen but i can deffinantly see this as more then a poem you could turn this into a short story! :D its a great idea...and ur right most people think others die and just go in the ground but in water the body actually is somewhat preserved for a while!!! i know ur a poetry person but if you could check out my work it's quite short that would be lovely! its called beep... if you get the chance...if not thats alright too! good luck and keep it up!
DaisyC. said...
on Jun. 1 2010 at 4:45 pm
Nice! I especially liked the part about the river (who would have thought.) Keep it up.
22 articles 0 photos 75 comments
Favorite Quote:
"and all you f***ers go beep beep beep in cheap,plastic cars. If It's to dumb to see or say you'll still sing it, and I'll just cue the applause" - Marilyn Manson