Each day I wake up.
Same routine.
Same thing.
I fix my hair,
put on my make up,
get ready for school,
and am out the door.
Before I leave the threshold
of my house I compose myself.
Whatever has stricken me just minutes
before you would never realize.
I keep all the pain I feel,
all the tears I cry,
all the sobs that shakes me hidden.
Its like a mask covers all my face
except for my eyes.
When you look into the deep blue
of my tear stained eyes you see everything
that I try to keep from this world.
Not many people look to close though
because I don’t let them.
I don’t want them to know of my secrets,
lies,
and dying hope.
I don’t want them to be able to realize
something is wrong.
I want to be left alone
and pretend everything is fine.
I want to go through the day,
every day,
like everything is normal
and nothing is eating away at my heart.
I have my days though when I want to scream
at them to see what I’ve hidden so perfectly.
But I know better.
I know that if I do this then I will never be left alone.
Teachers, parents, counselors, overly friendly students
will try to help me.
I don’t want their help.
I want to be left alone.
I want to keep my mask on
through the day until I get home.
Then I can release myself
and cry over everything.