I can rip myself apart more than anyone living.. you say you stand there and see it..
I can completely crush my own world if I wanted.. would you like me to show you?
I could tell myself things and make myself believe them.. inside I have known my own personal truth for all my life..
I’m fat..
I’m ugly..
I can never have the gracefulness to achieve beauty in my movements or words..
the kind of girl who can simply be standing in one spot motionless.. depict the most clear cut image of something hideous..
shine off a light that makes the mere stranger that walks by get sick..
and laugh after wards at my attempt to make something appalling and repulsive look like a normal girl who illuminates a room with beauty..
I could list all my flaws.. inside and out.. all day long..
but someone somewhere would give deceiving words to keep the words inside of me..
others care not to hear of someones own self image of a disdained girl with nothing pretty to give to anyone..
I feel nothing of a reason that may be the cause to the thoughts that keep me in a cage.. other than to think that it is the truth..
This truth .. of my own..
seems to keep me locked away..
peace and a feeling of freedom has not yet come to me..
I know in my head that everyone else around would like to give me a different depiction of myself.. they are wrong.. however..
if they were right..
this cage would suddenly disappear.. if only they were right.. and I.. would once own their words for my own new personal truth..
There’s more! Oh wait! I can tear another hole before you even know what just happened..
you see
thoughts run a million miles a second.. and I have many more.. I see another girl.. and I tell you! She is much more beautiful.. and here are all the reasons why..
you see..
it takes just a little.. to make me know that I am worthless and not worth his time..
you could have so much better.. and this is true.. I am a disdained girl.. remember?
You say I don't see the beauty.. everyone else sees it.. but I swear... you are blind my friend!
Words of comfort and alleviation are sweet lullabies full of white lies to contain the pain..
But I tell you.. the truth hurts.. but it need not be held inside..
it burns like fires in my chest.. fills my hands.. my mouth.. my body with an anger for myself.. expression has far from lost its glimmer..
pain has manifested itself in every form..
I thought I had conquered this..
I suppose the truth unleashes itself.. the same that my anger for my person comes out through harsh words..
when methods of self-destruction have disappeared.. the only skill left..
is to master the skill of thievery..
to steal every ounce of confidence within oneself.. beat down the already battered girl down.. and before she has a chance to get up.. tell her there is no point..