How old were you?

When you first felt the tingle in your belly when you looked at someone

When your brother told you about sex, with breath that smelled of hotdogs, laughing at your horror

When you asked your mom to buy you a bra, even though your chest was so flat you were practically inverted

When you first put a swing in your hips when you walked

When you realized you were embarrassed to wear a bathing suit

When you asked your mom to switch to a female pediatrician

How old were you

When you were caught staring at a girl in class and faced your friend’s jeers

When you walked around with a binder in front of you for an hour, hiding something involuntary

When you joined in to the banter in the locker room, though you were as clueless as the rest of them

When you first felt the quiver in your stomach, awaiting a response to a question that meant the world

When a movie, driven to by your mom’s minivan, represented an engagement

When you guessed at the first step to take, and wondered what base you’d gone to

How old were you?

When you were so excited to have your first kiss you froze

When you cried a week later because he wouldn’t look at you anymore

When you decided you were old enough for makeup and stole a few key items from your mother’s drawer

When you noticed a strange trickle on your roomy white undies, like a thumbprint of a murderer, and raided your mother’s bathroom again

When you realized needed to get a cup size bigger than an AA

When you first felt a contraction deep inside while reading a potboiler

When someone touched you somewhere hidden and personal

When you first reached a place you knew was too far to go

When you cried for three hours that night

When your own bed felt so empty

When you wondered why it wasn’t like in the movies

When you looked at everyone around you at school, thinking have they or haven’t they

When you realized it all happened so fast.