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Daddy's Womb MAG
i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.
So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.
i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.
The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.
i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.
i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.
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This article has 2189 comments.
I do agree that the rhymes may not be the best out there, but the idea is completed. And it's a very strong idea. The idea, I think, is what completes this poem. It's bitter and harsh, and it send a shiver down my spine when I read the last verse.
However I'm glad that you have the guts to say what you thought was wrong with the poem and I respect you for that. If you don't mind, could you look at some of my pieces? But only if you are ok with me starting a debate with you. I like to fully understand criticisms, and for some reason I only fully understand after I've exhausted all arguments against them.
6 articles 2 photos 11 comments
Favorite Quote:
"If you don't hit the ground hard, you'll never know what its like to get up and learn to fly."
My boyfriend doesn't have an account on here but he wanted me to say:
"I view this as a poem about an abusive dad. Or a drunk dad. Or both. Its like the dad is teasing the boy to do what he wants, but the boy is chained down because of his dad. I see this poem as something that could have been written by a boy who misses his dad. Maybe I'm wrong, but isn't poetry about perception anyways?"