Although a bit sad, there is still a tinge of hope in this. Your message and meaning is very optimistic and is one that I think everyone should take to heart. Your narrative told a very interesting story with great descritption and tons of emotion. One thing did stick out to me though: you attempt to rhyme in this poem and for the most part, it is good, but in some places it is a bit obvious that they rhyme was forced. For example, the last line and that makes the poem sound a bit off.  

haha yea. I never said it sucked; it's just not well organized.

I like it! I love how you twisted the perspective from being negative about the situation to positive.

I like it! I love how you twisted the perspective from being negative about the situation to positive.

I'm glad that you aren't terrible offended. Sometimes I am a little over critical, and there are those who can't take harshness very well. Haha, 7th grade is when I started writing poetry! It was only like two years ago, and it sort of sucked, too. ;)

Oh and where you said "this piece doesn't have it". (Perspective). I think it's pretty clear. As you can see it's about two people that can't be together, so, to put it simply, they're upset. However, I'm not writing a heartbreak poem about how my heart was torn out. I put it in a different PERSPECTIVE- positive- and looked at all the happy moments in the relationship. If you still don't understand, that's ok, just thought I'd give it one more attempt. Reading it over, out loud that is, the message is incredibly conspicous to me. Maybe I just got to see it from your perspective.

While I appreciate your criticism and thought you put into your reply, I think you took it a little bit too seriously. I wrote this when I was in 7th grade, and though it may seem like it, the ryhming was not forced at all. Clearly, I'm not a "sophisticated" writer. I do it because I enjoy it , and it's also my outlet. I guess  you'd be a really good person to talk to if I was writing a college essay. haha. I'm sorry you didn't get the message I was going for, but this poem still means a lot to me. Thanks for reading.

  Hello, here to critique your poem! Let’s start off:   You’ve got a free verse narrative with an ABAB type rhyming scheme, zero spelling mistakes, a couple of grammatical errors, and very little punctuation problems, and yet I’m going to give you a 2.5/5 which will be rounded to a 3/5.   Let’s see why:   Now, I generally don’t read what an author has to say about their piece until afterwards, when I begin to review, but seeing as you had a lengthy bit to announce, I thought ‘why not’.   Perspective.   This piece doesn’t really have it. I don’t feel enlightened on the woes of heartbreak and sadness because of this poem –in fact, I can hardly make out what’s really even going on in the poem. You force the rhyming scheme upon the lines, creating a grammatical mess of unorganized, barely-related words. It occurred to me that perhaps you were attempting to capture some sort of antiquated style or speech in your narration (“I knew not why”), but most unfortunately, you were not successful. I think that the contrived rhyming was what killed this piece; it was like you created a poem around the words at the end of each line, when it should be the other way around. The last stanza was terrible in itself, especially the last two lines. As I say to many people, I strongly recommend reading your work out loud to yourself.  Often times when you’re writing, you don’t realise how OFF something is until you read it out and hear the funny wording for yourself.   LFW

Thank you so much!! That means a lot(:

oh ma gosh, AMAZING! (: i furrealz love that! it's so amazing, and i can absolutly picture that in my head. great use of imagery, i love being able to "see" what i'm reading!