The Fear of Self | Teen Ink

The Fear of Self

January 9, 2013
By LouisianaGirl GOLD, Covington, Louisiana
LouisianaGirl GOLD, Covington, Louisiana
14 articles 1 photo 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
"When you were born, you were crying
And everyone around you was smiling.
Live your life so that when you die,
You're the one who is smiling
And everyone around you is crying."

I'm scared.
I think the demon inside me is coming out- teeth bared.

What do I do to keep him locked inside?
My remorse i can no longer hide.

Things seem to be unraveling by the speed of light.
I can't keep up: everyone else is in daytime and I'm in the night.

How can you keep focused?
Even when you know your chances are bogus?

I'm in the game of life and I'm loosing my mind.
Where's my sanity going? This is what I need to find.

My sense of self is ebbing into the abyss.
I try to hold on, but I feel like I missed.

What if I'm on a cliff and walking a thin line?
If I fall over, the fault is all mine.

How can I save myself if I don't even know who I am?
I'm at a war with myself, I'm in a jam.

How can I look to someone who is equally broken
And ask them to make me whole?

If the demon comes out
Will it taint my soul?

Yes, I'm scared, maybe of you
But mostly of me, and what I could do.

The author's comments:
I had been going through a rough time in my life and I wasn't sure exactly who I was, or who I wanted to be. I felt very conflicted and confused, which frustrated me. I never really know how I'm feeling, but writing it helps, so I wrote this. I had been feeling depressed from the loss of my grandmother, who I was very close to, i was upset because of drama with friends, my self esteem was very low and all of that effected my work ethic as well... I almost lost myself, but thanks to my friends and family, and the help of a little writing, I found myself again and I'm better than ever(:

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