Behind the smiles, the laughs,and the friendships is a life full of pain and hurt. I never knew life would throw at me so much grief at my young age, Everyday I laugh just to cover up how I feel because just coming out and telling someone is unthinkable. After all the hurt and failures, how can I ever learn to love and trust? Life can give you the best of times and the worst of times. But then when I look at my life and I think what have I done wrong to deserve all that has happened. I’m inspired by life, but at the same time discouraged by life. It’s hard for me to figure out why that is, my life used to be threatened everyday. But I always made it through. Sometimes I sit back and wonder if there is really a God, I pray to him hoping he ears my prayers and help me out. But then there are times where I just believe that God isn’t real. I don’t know who I really am and I’ve been searching for many years with no luck. What do I believe in? What are my morals? What do I like? Why do I hurt so much and still don’t know why after so many years? The hurt just keep stacking up and I’m not taking any down. The past I try to keep in my past, but eventually I keep having to face them and the scab that formed is reopened and bleeding in the process of healing again. Sometimes I wonder what is love, loyalty, and to be faithful, I mean what does it feel like to love, to hate, like, dislike, have a passion for something? So many life changes having to know more people and new places. What does it feel like to grow up in one place and have your friends from when you were young? Everyday I feel like I’m just going through the motions of what life is supposed to be, instead going through the motions knowing what the meaning of what I am doing. I’m going through the motions like I’m being controlled by a remote. I’m confused in this world sometimes, and I know my way in others. There is never a light at the end of the tunnel for me, I don’t know if it’s because I’m simply not looking for it, or because there isn’t one for me to see and follow. I look at the things I say I love sometimes and wonder if I really mean it, because to have a lot of things that you love means you have more things to cause hurt and pain. And the only way I know to keep the hurt and pain away is to not love anything at all. But I know that there are some things I won’t be able to help but love.And I have to prepare myself for all the pain it may cause. But tell me is the paint of life to just cause and hurt? Because sometimes that’s all it seems like. Hurt and pain, Pain and hurt is there really a difference?