I used to love you daddy... | Teen Ink

I used to love you daddy...

March 26, 2013
By KristenNoel ELITE, Mooresville, North Carolina
KristenNoel ELITE, Mooresville, North Carolina
134 articles 0 photos 27 comments

I always try to share a smile even when I’m sad.
It isn’t the easiest thing to do especially because of my dad.
Most people who have heard the stories or have ever seen me cry
Understand where I’m coming from and why my soul has died.

You see growing up I really could care less.
I could handle wearing jeans, I didn’t need to wear a dress.
It was more than that; however, he was turning me into a boy.
He couldn’t be satisfied with his little girl who always brought him joy.

Instead he made her wear jeans and baseball hats.
He made her play sports, even though she hated it at last.
She was a dancer, a singer, a girly girl at heart.
This is where all the control and the sadness starts.

He never really wanted her, he said she should just die.
He never even cared when she sat in her room and cried.
She couldn’t have any friends or speak unless spoken to.
Do you know how hard it is? Is your father sexist, too?

He told me I was worthless, he said I’m wasting oxygen.
If I’m such a waste of space, why didn’t I just give in?
He said he didn’t want me, he wanted nothing to do with his daughter.
Great, just make her wonder, where ever did I even falter?

The fact is, I didn’t. I was as nice as could be.
He just never really cared he always ignored me.
It seemed like all he ever did was watch TV and scream.
He took away away my happiness, gave me nightmares instead of dreams.

He drug me out of bed at 1 o’clock in the morn.
He threw me on the floor, in my face he scorned.
He yelled at me and said that I didn’t deserve to be alive.
How did I manage to live, how did I manage to strive?

I was scared to be at school, I was afraid to go home.
His daughter would follow her around where ever she would roam.
She couldn’t go out shopping, or go anyway alone.
She was trapped, she was confined, she was out of her zone.

She wrote poems in her room at night, illegible because of the tears.
It’s amazing how a person dies inside and changes over the years.
I know he doesn’t exist anymore, he left me three years ago.
I moved out with my mother and brothers, when there was nowhere else to go.

He had took all our money, down to the last penny.
He took all our belongings we weren’t left with any.
Beds, clothing, toothbrushes, he took it and they sold.
But nothing beats the story that I have retold.

A father shouldn’t hit his daughter, and shouldn’t hit her mother.
A father shouldn’t beat and punch the heck out of her brothers.
A father shouldn’t cause a ten pound dog to shiver.
A father should not promote an entire family to wither.

I was afraid for my life, even more when he had disappeared.
It wasn’t his voice. It was himself that I feared.
He had shown up at the school, he had often followed me home.
He still had control where ever I had roam.

He never really cared about me, he only cared about his son.
But even then he could care less, he was his own number one.
Towards the end we didn’t utter one word to him for half a year.
One day we came home, and the house was entirely clear.

It was empty, it was vacant, it was destroyed.
There goes the life of a wife, girl, and boy.
They struggled and they struggled, their lives they rebuilt.
He still accused them of many things, tried to make them absorbed in his guilt.

It didn’t work; however, they had surprisingly made it through.
Because of all our really close friedns, we wouldn’t have known what to do.
Now three years later, he still keeps dropping by.
His daughter laughs inside her mind, she has no reason to cry.

They are all strong, they are all brave; he is forever weak.
They were once crushed mentally by the words he didn’t even speak.
They overcame their darkest days, they overcame them all.
Because even when he pushed them down, they stood up and stood tall.

The other day they testified, the court says it’s the end.
It was the last time they would ever see their father again.
But he’s one and they’re happy. They made it through it together.
They are strong, they are brave, MY FAMILY IS FOREVER.


Help end child abuse!!!!!!!!!!


The author's comments:
True story... my true story... and not even half of it

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