Messy love | Teen Ink

Messy love

April 28, 2014
By KaylaaLovee GOLD, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
KaylaaLovee GOLD, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
14 articles 1 photo 61 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Imperfection is beauty. Madness is genius. And its better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring. And when it comes down to it, I let them think what they want. If they care enough to bother with what I do, I'm already better than them."

I’m still hurt buy s*** that happened. Trying to go to sleep is hard sometime; things pop in my head, things that hurt. I wish I could make me heart go back to normal and that things could fall out of my head. Losing you is my worst fear. I don’t deserve to be a main chick. I don’t deserve to be a main chick because I don’t do basic things. I deserve to be an only because I always go out of my way to make you happy. I can’t just blame you though, for I lack honesty as well. I’m afraid of telling you how I truly feel. I feel that me being mad only pushes you away and cause you to do the things you do. I should know better… I’m not good enough. I’m just going to continue to smile and hope I heal, because losing you would be worse. All I want is a truthful, loyal relationship with you, no one else, you. I love you too much to let you go but still hurting enough to feel whole again. I’ll probably never tell you all of this because you will think I want to break up or something even though I only would want to tell you so you can understand how it feels to give everything you have to someone and they treat it as if it was nothing. I’ve always wanted one of those fairy tale relationships were “he” treats her like everything, which you do. But not only that, but were you’ll tell other girls “I have a girl”. The worst feeling is alone. When I’m alone, I think. When I think, I cry. When I cry, I can’t stop until I hear your voice to make everything better. I honestly just don’t think you know how f***ing much you mean to me and how bad it hurts when you lie. People really think were so perfect. It’s this smile I put on because I’m so happy with you. I just want to mean as much to you as you do to me. I really never loved someone as much as I love you or trusted someone as I have you, even though that’s been broken, I’d still trust you with everything I have. All these words coming straight from my heart, sadly you won’t ever hear, because I don’t want to f*** up and lose you like the last. I just want to be able to know that I will always have you. Because me without you is like peanut butter without jelly ^_^ haha. But yeah crying helps. You ever just cried yourself to sleep? Letting all your pain out and letting it all soak into your pillow, then you can wake up feeling better. I can’t lose you. I’m going to try everything I can to keep you. I hope one day you’ll open your eyes and see what I’m willing to do.You just mean that much to me and give me everything I need you. I can say you’re the best I ever had and you make me feel like no one else can. You probably don’t know all that I’ve been through. I constantly let boys walk all over me and I give my everything. I would never do anything to destroy the trust you’ve given me. You should never have to deal with that, I never make you feel like that <3. I wish I could just snap my fingers and heal my heart. But that will take time and proof. Your words are so perfect; make me feel so good, sometimes I just wish for your matching actions. I remember telling you when we first started going out that two things not to do were cheat or lie. That’s the part that hurts. I really just hope you know how much I truly care about you and how much I love you. Hopefully one day I’ll get enough courage to tell you all of this and how I really feel but untill then, I’m going to keep loving you and proving to you how I really am your dream wife. Love you more than anything.And more importantly, I love us.
“Your touch is my favorite feel, your kiss is my favorite love and looking in your eyes is my favorite pass time that I could do forever…”

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