What am I supposed to do
when waves of missing you
knock me over into the sand,
the little pieces of
the leftover "us"
that falls in between my fingers
because I can no longer grasp you
or time the way I used to?

What am I supposed to do
when I ache for you in the dead of night,
when I just want to vomit up
all the rotten bits of the pain
eating me up on the inside,
but even then I can't throw up
all the sweet memories that
are too mixed in with the bitterness,
so just how am I supposed to
cleanse myself now?

What am I supposed to do when it's so easy
to intertwine my issues
into the hands of someone new
to fill this gaping hole
you've heartlessly left behind,
but I can't because I know
he would never be able to fill in your shoes--
not him,
not anyone.

How am I supposed to forget you
as if you never happened,
as if you're already dead to me?
Tell me, how am I supposed to
kill you in my heart
when all this time
I'd been trying to keep you alive?

What do I do when all I still think about
is you,
when all I write about
is you,
when all the answers I need
lie in you,
but you can never give them to me,
so I'll forever be wondering
just what I'm supposed to do.